Layers of limitations to happiness: Layer 4: Limiting Beliefs

Limiting belief #1: Unfiltered cultivation of “Can’t Do”, and “Pull Yourself Down” Mindset

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Overcoming limiting beliefs with uplifting beliefs.

Self-doubt competes with fear in killing dreams, potential, and joy

We all have a belief system, which is an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists. A good belief system refers to the attitude that something is the case or true.  While some of our beliefs can be good, others can be very limiting, and they are mostly inherited, and handed over to us by society, and they are never questioned. We have slowly allowed them to be ingrained into our lives and we use them unconsciously at most times, and they suck our joy.

Our belief systems become dark when they are limiting the flow of our joy and happiness, and freedom in one way or the other. They gain light when we become aware of them, and replace them with more honoring beliefs that will unleash joy and happiness. Some of these belief systems are normally expressed in the form of clichés and I call them enablers or warning signs of self-limiting beliefs.

Limiting belief #1: Unfiltered cultivation of “Can’t Do”, and “Pull Yourself Down” Mindset:

How often are you trapped in negative thought patterns and expressions by doubting your capabilities and undervaluing your God’s given potential? 

In our state of confusion, we convince ourselves that we are not good enough for ourselves, and others, and we devalue our abilities and self-worth. We gradually become quick to make expressions like –

  • “My boss is difficult and he will never like me.”
  • “I just can’t lose weight no matter what form of exercise I do.”
  • “I can never figure this out.” “He is always like that.”
  • “I can’t do this or that.” “I will never change.”, “He will never change.”
  • “With my financial status, I will never get out of debt.”
  • “I’m not just that smart, I’m not just that of nice person.” 
  • “I’m just not that too careful with things.”
  • “I’m just not a happy person.” “I’m just so weird.”
  • “I’m not a likable person.” “I will never find happiness again.”
  • “I’m not a good parent as he is.” “We are just not a happy couple.”
  • “He never called me back, he must not like me.”

The more we cultivate and hold a doubtful mindset of our capabilities and self-worth, the higher the tendency to limit our joy.

The retention of information in the human brain is a more or less passive process. The more specific information is received or repeatedly used, the more likely it’s to be retained in the long-term memory section of our brains. Cultivating a positive mindset is critical to unleashing joy, and success. Therefore, it is always good to truly filter and recognize the things that you can and can’t do instead of allowing your mind to be set on autopilot in limiting your abilities and self-worth. Here are four (4) basic tips, I call the G.R.O.W” principle to overcome this first limiting belief:

Grow the small steps-big results mindset: This is about perceiving big task as a combination of small tasks. Growing the small steps-big results mindset energizes you to look at overcoming an obstacle or challenge by analyzing it from the perspective of small steps yielding bigger results as you approach your goals. As said by Henry Ford, “Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.” I always admire the little ants that work so hard to build giant anthills. They divide their jobs into small jobs and take one grain of sand at a time until a giant anthill or farm is built.

Most times, the task at hand becomes difficult in our eyes due to our desire to having it all or tackling it all at once. Another challenge we face is our desperate need for immediate results. We want to do it all at once, and we want it now. Sometimes we even give ourselves a choice that is either we get it all now or we get nothing. Most times, our obsession with “wanting it all at once and wanting it now” does not only push us closer to self-limiting beliefs but it also leaves us frustrated, and unhappy. Remember that no matter how big a task is, or how overwhelming a challenge is, or how deep you think you are in a situation, you can overcome it by taking small steps over time.

Remember to Refresh your mindset with the 3 “Gets”: Get the belief (that you can do it. Get the desire (wanting to do something). Get into action (Start Doing It). These “gets” can come in any order so don’t be limited if you do not have one of the gets. Just simply start with any one of them that may be surfacing. The action can come before the belief and the desire, or the desire can come before the action and the belief. The desire can be the motivation that you can simply get from yourself or from others around you, and sometimes this motivation surfaces the moment you spring into action. Learning, making mistakes, and relearning are friends with the habit of doing anything. You can do all things through Christ Who Strengthens you (Philippians 4:13).

Overcome your ANTs: Psychology experts estimate that overt 60,000 thoughts go through our minds every day. To keep us rational, and to avoid an overload of information, the different stages of human memory work as a sort of filter that helps us from this overflow of information that we get into the mind on a daily basis. Even though some of these daily thoughts can be intentional and positive, others can be automatic and negative, which can be referred to as “Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs). Everyone has their own ANTs, and without us noticing, we consistently allow them to steal our joy and hinder our dreams and potential. These ANTs may include our limiting beliefs, doubts, and other negative thoughts that go against our mindsets since they do not produce our desired results. Those ANTs are those little voices that push us to doubt our self-worth and abilities.

Let’s say you really would like to go on a jog or to exercise. One of your ANTs will suddenly show up in your mind and start saying things like, “You are too tired, just relax.”, You are not going to lose the weight anyway so why bother?”, “You can wait till tomorrow and go jogging.”, “You don’t even have the correct set of exercise materials, and so wait until you get them all.” Whenever you feel this happening in your mind, realize that your ANTs are trying to overcome you, and kill your spirit and energy. From that point, realize that you need to spring into action. Do something about it to overcome the ANTs. Get up, look for your shoes, and go out and start jogging or exercising. As you do this more often, you will gain total control over your ANTs. Remember that you don’t have to get everything before you can do something. Don’t worry about your platform or possession, but think about the impact you will make. Take and find pleasure in what you have, and make the best out of it. You can be grateful not only because you have EVERYTHING but to be grateful because of every LITTLE THING that you already have.

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Welcome your self-worth: The temptation arises when we hit a challenging level, we can start defeating our worth, and abilities. We belittle ourselves, tear ourselves down, and doubt what we are capable of doing. We say, “No matter what I do, it’s not enough,” I can’t talk to them,” “I’m not smart enough,” “I’m out of shape,” “My whole life is ruined,” “I can’t be happy anymore,” ”I’m not qualified.…” the deal here is this: Have a better opinion of yourself and a better opinion of others.

In “The Happiness Equation,” Neil explains that if you only hold a high opinion of yourself, you may be seen as a selfish person or egotistical. And, if you only have a high opinion of others and less opinion of yourself, you may be seen as an insecure person or you are lacking self-confidence. The more you cultivate this mindset, the more you get stuck in always thinking greatly of others while crying down yourself most of the times, believing that you are lesser than them. So, truly confident individuals tend to have a high opinion of themselves and a high opinion of others. This is about humbly recognizing and appreciating the unique values your creator placed on you and inside of you. It’s not suggesting you place your values above others by thinking that you are better than them. It’s about recognition, humility, gratitude, and celebration of your values and the values of others.

When you face a situation like this, remember your uniqueness, and your source of power coming from your creator. You are not the worst version of yourself, and so build your confidence, and secure it. It’s hard for others to like you when you don’t like yourself because you constantly devalue yourself. As put by Neil Pasricha, “The Deep-down version of you is the best version of all.” Coming to terms with your self-worth happens internally as you place value on yourself, and not allowing external factors to influence those true and unique values of yours. If nothing gets started, nothing will get done, and a change happens when something changes. So, get something started today! Step up to change the status quo! If you are not satisfied with the existing path, do something to start paving a new path. Do not hold back your joy. Celebrate your little victories, blessings, enthusiasm, and excitement. Do it for you, and you deserve it!

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

Published by Nabs and Kim Nabieu!

Kim and Nabs are a young couple who are passionate about engaging, empowering, and transforming the next generation for greatness. They offer transformation coaching services that are guaranteed to help teens and young adults discover their greatest potential, transform from within, create lasting changes, accomplish life goals, and live their best lives.

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