Looking to Stay Motivated? Identify What Demotivates you: The 3’P’s.

To meaningfully solve a problem, an excellent starting point is knowing what is causing it. Therefore, to stay motivated, we need to know what tends to demotivate us. What drains your energy? What sucks up your motivation? You have the desire to take the next step, but you lack the motivation and energy to make it happen. You feel stuck, you start putting things off, fear settles in, and your dreams keep going further away from being reached. Start by identifying what or who is draining your motivation. Where are those demotivators mainly coming from?

Check out the 3 P’s for main sources of demotivators:

Personal (Self):

Check to see if you are the best booster or diminisher of your self-motivation? Here are some clues:  You often cry yourself down. You belittle yourself. You are too harsh on yourself when you make mistakes. You engage in self-limiting talks. You think you are not good enough and you don’t have enough. Start replacing those negative thoughts with uplifting, motivating thoughts and affirmations. You are worthy. You deserve grace and compassion for yourself. You can make mistakes and learn from them. You can forgive yourself just as you tend to forgive others. You are capable of accomplishing great things. Greatness lies in you. You can do it!

Live boldly. Be you. Be original. Be authentic.


People (others):

Are people your main source of demotivation? Check to see how other people are holding you back from you being you. Are you always seeking approval from others? Are others’ behaviors, their thoughts about you, and ability affecting you? Is the fear of being different or not fitting into what others think is “normal” draining your energy and inspiration to live life boldly? We can overcome this because we always have a choice to what degree we decide to have someone in our life. Start by identifying the diminishers and multipliers in your life. Identify those people that tend to diminish or demotivate you. Those that tend to suck out your creative juices. For your multipliers, surround yourself with those that tend to boost your energy. They multiply your efforts. They believe in your ability. They believe in who you are.

Your dreams and potential must not be knocked down by the limiting thinking and behaviors of others.


Patterns and situations:

As humans, we do overindulge in certain things or behaviors that suck up our time and energy. And this drains our motivation for pursuing our goals. It limits us from creating lasting change. And it demotivates us from taking the practical steps to become our true selves. First, identify the reason behind it. You see, sometimes we put up with unhelpful patterns and situations for three broad reasons among others: the feeling of obligation, finding excuses for not taking action, and satisfying our coping needs. Second, check the misleading benefits you are deriving from them. Are those patterns being used as coping mechanisms? Are they being used as avoidance mechanisms to avoid doing what you know you want to do?

The good news: You can choose to overcome any limiting patterns. You can choose to have true, lasting benefits by overcoming those constraining patterns. Ask yourself: What am I doing in order to avoid working to become a better me? Is there any habit I want to break? What is diminishing my motivation from taking the practical steps? Just like overcoming procrastination, you can start associating more pain to continuing these patterns than the pain you are currently associating with stopping them. It starts with you noticing them and committing to changing them.

Take Action to Overcome Demotivation!

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Reevaluating Your Underlying Beliefs to Boost Your Personal Happiness and Growth:

It is important to understand how our beliefs are formed and the impact they can have on our journey to uncovering our purpose, happiness, and success. Our formed self-images and beliefs can either BOOST or DIMINISH the growth of our potential and freedom. It’s also important to understand that not all beliefs are disempowering or false. Some beliefs we hold are very empowering. They are true or are based on things that really happened. And we can continue to boost them. We can change those that tend to hold us back or diminish our growth.

Remember these 4 stages of repurposing your underlying beliefs:

Identify the origin of your Belief System:

Each belief is developed and evaluated in stages. Generally, our beliefs were first evaluated at the beginning of our lives when we’re very innocent. Various “experts” of our lives (parents, teachers, friends, community elders, etc.) evaluated everything that we did. We accepted and recorded their opinions as gospel truths. We never had time to question whether their opinions or beliefs about our own lives were true or not. List down your underlying beliefs. Identify those that are empowering and continue to boost them for your growth. Then pick out those that are disempowering and revaluate them for a change.

Make use of your Re-evaluation opportunity:

You have now grown up. You have also recognized the origin and impact of each of your underlying beliefs. You are again presented with the liberating opportunity to reevaluate whether those well-meaning people were real experts concerning your abilities. You now have the golden opportunity to decide whether those beliefs you got from them are boosting or diminishing your potential. Evaluate to see if they are moving you forward to your happiness and purposeful life or holding you back in any way. Maybe they are doing both.

Re-evaluate your Comfort Zone (self-image):

If you find out that most of the underlying beliefs you have accumulated over the years and continue to accumulate are holding you back, you may be getting comfortable with them. You may be operating within the limits of your self-image and it becomes real for you. This may have become your comfort zone, where you think you enjoy safety, security, and protection. This makes you get stuck. However, remember that sometimes, our comfort zones can be unsafe places. People could feel safe and secure in jail, but surely nobody would want to stay in prison forever. Check to see if you have become emotionally attached to your limiting beliefs. Are you experiencing benefits or emotional payoffs for keeping your limitations around?

Re-evaluate your choices and FREE yourself:

Remember that you always have the keys in your hands to free yourself from any imagined prison that is holding you back from creating lasting change. Your choice matters! Ask yourself whether you have chosen to stay in the prison of self-talk, self-beliefs, and self-image. Because you can choose to free yourself from that imagined prison to live freely and boldly. You can choose to change from limiting beliefs to enjoy empowering beliefs and behaviors. So, CHOOSE to flip things around and build up supporting evidence to solidify your new, empowering beliefs.

It’s your turn! Thank you for being part of this journey as we transform together. I enjoy reading all your comments and thoughts. I would love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below to Join the conversation.

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Affirm Your Uniqueness: Your Self-Motivation and Confidence Matter!

I believe that everyone is capable of doing something great. The goal is to believe that you can build a life that you will not run away from. It’s hard to motivate others when we are not motivated. It’s hard to like and appreciate others and the daily beauty around us when we don’t like and appreciate ourselves. We sometimes find it difficult to show ourselves some love, grace, and compassion. Normally, we tend to treat and look at others with more grace and compassion, but we tend to judge ourselves harshly and with some form of ridicule. It all begins from within you!

When you cultivate a winning attitude from the inside, you can reflect a winning attitude on the outside.


The recognition of our uniqueness, value, motivation, confidence, self-worth, and capability starts with our very selves. It’s normal that when we always try to be like someone else or live so hard for other people, we forget to live for ourselves. Many of us are incredibly talented, but we don’t even know it.

Boost your daily self-motivation and confidence by affirming that you are priceless.

Regularly, stop and recognize that:

You have a sense of self-worth:

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Notice that you can value yourself and you are worthy. When you accept who you are, you make it easier for others to value you. Remember not to get into the proving business by trying to control others’ judgment of you. Be wholly complete with yourself. When you don’t like yourself, you make it even harder for others to like you. Your self-worth is found within you. It begins with you. Looking outside to boost yourself worth instigates self-doubt. Understand that you truly matter. Your potential must not be limited by your self-doubt or internal assessment.

You are enough:

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You are capable. You know your worth. You are resilient. Others may claim to know you but you truly know yourself better. Be proud of that. Embrace that. Give these affirmations to yourself often to remind yourself of who you are. To remind yourself of what you have overcome. To remind yourself of your worth. Remember this: Be you. Be real. Be authentic. Be simple and sophisticated in your unique ways. Be your favorite kind of human being. Be your celebrity and celebrate yourself, your progress, and your accomplishments. Immerse yourself in patience. It’s not about the race, it’s about the pace.

You have a unique focus:

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You are not like everyone else because you are your own kind of uniquely made person. Sometimes when you try to be everybody you end up being nobody. When you try to do everything, you end up doing nothing. Everyone has their strengths and areas waiting for improvement. Protect your value. You are strong and other’s negativity will not drain you. You are capable of transforming doubt and fear into hope. You are capable of replacing automatic negative thoughts with your deliberate positive, empowering, and liberating thoughts. You can choose to live boldly. You can live a life that is free from comparison. It doesn’t mean that roses can make a better stew just because they smell better than tomatoes. Don’t try to compare yourself to others. You also have your strengths. Look for them and build on them.

It’s your turn! Thank you for being part of this journey as we transform together. I enjoy reading all your comments and thoughts. I would love to hear from you.

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Changing your disabling beliefs with the “Self-Talk Interrupt” Formula.

Your beliefs can be changed. You can start right now to change any limiting or disabling beliefs that are holding you back from creating the life you want. Use this practical and simple “Self-Talk Interrupt” formula to help you overcome any disabling beliefs that may be holding you back:

Identify underlying beliefs/self-talk:

When you think of situations where you feel helpless, unfit, or lacking confidence, be smart to identify the underlying beliefs or self-image or self-talk that keep running your mind. For example: “I’m not good enough,” I’m too young/old for this,” I don’t have a college degree so I can’t do that,” I’m not in the right shape to carry this out.”

Identify evidence supporting those beliefs:

As you say out these old voices, also remember to evaluate what makes them true. Sometimes, our beliefs are not even supported by concrete evidence. They are mostly based on assumptions and generalizations due to past events or the self-talk and self-image we have accumulated from birth. Select one of the limiting beliefs. Find and list down all the evidence/references that support it.

Why do you hold such a belief? Is it a belief you got for yourself or passed down from someone else? How has it been helpful/harmful to you in any way? Have you ever questioned its source and usefulness?

Interrupt the old and introduce the new voice:

Then decide to believe something different about that belief. Believe the opposite view. For example, if you had the limiting belief that says: “I’m not good at anything,” decide that from now on, your new empowering belief will be: “I’m good at many things.”

Realize that when it comes to positive and negative thinking, what you focus on is what will expand. Your job is to choose to focus right.


Create a sentence that shows your positive belief and affirm this to yourself repeatedly. As you continue to repeat your new empowering belief statement, it will enhance your self-image, and this will free you from the prison of a limiting belief system.

Remember to use the 3 P’s component to create each new empowering sentence (belief)


Personalized it. Make it personal. It’s about you. Use the word “I”.

Present tense:

Make it as if it is happening now. You are now living a new life. Use the word “am”. (I am….) 


Use a positive description. (I’m a great dancer. I’m a healthy person.”)

Write it down and be passionate about it

Gain your breakthrough: Write down three empowering statements about yourself. Get excited about them. They don’t necessarily mean they are true and happening right now. They are statements that you would like to be true about yourself. Those are feelings or places you would like to be. The mind doesn’t’ know any better. It believes whatever you train it to believe.

When you repeatedly claim these positive things, you will put your mind in a thinking mode, “Hmm. Why is she saying she is a great singer when she has not been singing? I guess I need to start working in that direction to make her a great singer.” Your mind will then get to work to boost your self-motivation, reduce your fear and increase your ability to be where you want to be.

Make the change to stick: Be intentional. Repeat the process until the new belief is firmed.

Each time you find yourself behaving in the old (limiting) way, or even thinking that way, you must stop that voice in your head and replace it immediately with a new empowering one even when it is not true yet. Identify the disabling belief. Notice yourself when you start expressing it. Stop the old voice immediately it starts. Replace it with your new empowering belief/sentence (even if it is not true yet.) See, feel, and experience the rewards of your new belief. Enjoy the rewards as if you already had them. This is called the “self-talk interrupt” formula.

Note: Because it may have taken you time to accumulate your old, limiting belief, it may also take you some time to construct and concretize your new empowering beliefs. Be patient and intentional to allow your new liberating beliefs to settle in. You must be intentional about stopping the old belief each time it’s about to happen, replace it immediately with the new belief, and repeat the new uplifting statements about yourself many times.

It’s your turn! Thank you for being part of this journey as we transform together. I enjoy reading all your comments and thoughts. I would love to hear from you.

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Say No to Procrastination: “Fear-Pain-Pleasure” Framework.

The force from the “Fear-Pain-Pleasure” framework influences our daily actions and decisions. It induces excitement and motivation in us to make a change or take the next step. It also creates fear in some people which causes them to keep putting things off or get stuck in old limiting patterns. We slowly allow fear and procrastination to swallow our plans when we know what to do or what action to take to effect a change, but we don’t. Are you getting caught in the “Fear-Pain-Pleasure” Web?


We mainly procrastinate for three broad reasons: The “FPP” Web.


FEAR of the unknown or uncertainty. Cultivate the resilient skills on how to face your fear and overcome it. See the fear-setting activity.


PAIN we associate with making the change or taking an action to do something.


PLEASURE we associate with being in the old and limiting pattern or “Comfort Zone.”

Strengthen your strengths and overcome procrastination using the Free “Fear-Pain-Pleasure framework (FPP)” Worksheet:

In addition to fear, you are not doing something or taking the practical steps that you know you should be taking because you see doing it as creating more pain than not doing it. You can envision the life you wish to live, the person you were meant to be, the changes you want to make, but you keep putting off the courage to take practical steps to make it happen. You put things off each time you assume the pain you will feel if you step out of your comfort zone or attempt to make necessary changes.

Cultivating a new habit or making a change: Evaluate the pleasure you are getting from the present status. Overcome the assumed fear you are associating with leaving the status quo. Highlight the benefits that await you when you take the next steps.

View it this way: The next time you start noticing that your FEAR and assumed PAIN are preventing you from moving forward, see it as a catalyst to speed up the need to ACT. This is where you need to strengthen your strengths and set yourself to TAN (Take Action Now!):

Strengthen your Belief System.

Believe that you possess powerful innate abilities to make a change. Your willpower and resilience are strong enough to power you through if you make up your mind to take the next steps. Believe that you CAN DO IT! Feed your mind with positive empowering thoughts to overcome those automatic negative thoughts and see how your actions will produce the amazing changes you have desired.

Strengthen your self-motivation and change how you think about pleasure and pain.

You can induce an uplifting feeling of motivation that can help you overcome the spirits of fear and procrastination. This happens when you decide to change the way you perceive pleasure and pain. Just like any old habit, to stop procrastination, think about how you have been affected by it in the past, how it’s affecting you now in the present, and how you will be affected in the future. For example, if it is not causing you enough pain NOW to stop procrastinating, you can link it to the pain that comes next… the failure, setbacks, heartaches, disappointments, lack of progress, embarrassment… that you will experience if you continue doing it or if you continue to stay in the old pattern.

“When we want to let go of old patterns or put the past behind us in a healthy manner, we need to be intentional to notice how we’re reacting to how we’re feeling in the moment.”


Realize that you need a change especially when you are always doing the same thing in the same way and getting the same results that you are not pleased with. In simple terms, if you are not taking action because of the pain you associate with it, you need to shift your focus to the pain you will experience if you DO NOT take action. Once you shift your focus, you can then associate pleasure with the outcome you want. In this case, DOING whatever you have been putting off or procreating about. You can now focus on the benefits you will get once you make the change or take action.

Strengthen your “Big Why” and ACT (Action Changes Things!).

What is your “big why?” Understand the deeper reason for doing what you’re doing. Empower your motivation and spring into action, and DO IT! Sometimes all it takes is to just start doing something and the right belief and motivation will come along. It starts with setting your specific target, establishing your flexibility and commitment, and taking daily practical steps in the right direction. Remember your pace and not the race. As you get closer to your target, you see that the pain of not doing it or completing it seems greater, and so you finally do it.

You are not in a RACE. Focus on your PACE.


In goal settings or change-making processes, procrastination and fear are among the biggest obstacles. This is one of the main reasons to have a BIG ENOUGH REASON behind what you’re doing. Once you have overcome your old pattern or done what you have been putting off for a long time, it then becomes a perfect time to put together your positive vision statement or manifesto to remind yourself of your new you. Put together a short but powerful and positive statement that will serve as a reminder of why you’re doing what you’re doing.

It’s your turn! Thank you for being part of this journey as we transform together. I enjoy reading all your comments and thoughts. I would love to hear from you.

Take Action Now!

Overcome Procrastination.


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Overcoming 3 Most Common Fears that Drain Your Motivation.

We seek motivation from others, but the true motivation that endures as we set to achieve our goals comes from within. Self-motivation is essential for tapping into our success, happiness, and life purpose. When we are not self-motivated to accomplish our aspirations, the tendency for outside influencers to draw us into mediocrity increases. The biggest killer of self-motivation is FEAR! Understanding these 3 common fears can help you overcome them:


Fear of the Unknown

What are you afraid of? You don’t know. How do you know? By finding out. Use the fear-setting activity to learn more about this. All the feelings and thoughts around the fear of the unknown are in our heads. The thoughts you are feeding into your mind are creating these negative feelings and beliefs. Over time, these limiting beliefs become deep-rooted in the mind and increase the level of fear in us. The good news is that these limiting beliefs can be changed as we start to question their existence. Here are two aspects to consider when overcoming this fear: 

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The first aspect has to do with questioning your fear and underlying beliefs: Questioning our beliefs is not wrong, but not being intentional to question them from time to time is what makes it wrong. Most of the fears are not based on reality. They are based on assumptions and generalizations. The fear of the unknown is especially based on what we perceive might happen in the future. It could also be based on the belief we have accumulated from childhood. Because your childhood has passed and the future has not occurred yet, it becomes an opportunity for you to face your fears, take them before the court, and question them. Ask questions like: Do I have concrete evidence that supports my fear of the unknown? Is there concrete evidence to show that I will fail and my fear of the unknown will be right? Have I ever successfully coped with uncertainty?


The second aspect is about defining the fear and its triggers. First, know what is causing your fear. Second, determine the impact it’s having on you. Third, identify what the worst outcomes will be if what you are afraid of ends up happening. Finally, brainstorm ways to minimize risk and ways in which you can cope with the hurdles if you end up facing them. 


Fear of Failure

This is another common fear that tends to hold us back from creating change. Again, to deal with this, it comes back to your perception of failure. Failure is one of the main components of success. During the journey of growth and success, failure happens. But this doesn’t mean your journey is a failure. Perceive failure as a learning vehicle that takes you to your ultimate destination. Examine the cause of the fear. Does it have anything to do with pride? Are you worried about what others might think of you if you fail? Does this have anything to do with childhood criticisms when you failed and now you are afraid to embrace risk?

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Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com.


Fear of Rejection and Criticism

The fear of being rejected or criticized holds many people from reaching for what they want. By avoiding possible rejection, denial, or criticism some people simply hide their true abilities and potential within. Most people lose their uniqueness, creativity, and passion due to the fear of rejection and criticism. As you try to overcome this fear, check yourself with these questions: Do I depend on the approval of others for my self-worth or motivation? Do I always want to conform? Do I have a strong need for approval and social acceptance? Am I trying too hard just to have my appearance, behaviors, and values be perceived as “normal?” Cultivate the courage to ask: For you to reach your goals, be courageous to ask others for support, participation, and commitment. Do not give up! Understand that “No” doesn’t mean you give up or stop pushing. It simply means “Next Option,” “New Opportunities.” Understand that “We can’t help you” doesn’t mean “you can’t” seek other avenues.

Thank you for transforming with us!

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I appreciate your amazing partnership on this journey. We are taking simple but powerful practical steps for holistic transformation. I love reading your comments and learning from you. Let me hear your thoughts.

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3 Tips to Overcoming procrastination

Our good intentions fall through the cracks when they are mostly undermined by our indecision to act. For most people, in addition to fear, the greatest hindrance to making progress, making change, and creating happiness is procrastination. When it comes to taking practical steps to unleash your potential and creating vital changes for a happier and purpose-driven life, overcoming the enemy of “tomorrow” becomes critical.

“I want to lose weight…maybe I can start to exercise tomorrow.”

“I have been meaning to tell her how I feel…I will do it tomorrow.”

“I will work on that idea…I think I still have time.”

Instead of getting stuck in the habit of putting things off for tomorrow, here are 3 steps to help you overcome that inertia:

Be alert and Intentional.

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Be on the watch out for your tendency to procrastinate. Be intentional about taking active steps to create the change you desire. When you start noticing yourself drifting into the zone of procrastination, STOP (Start Taking Ownership Properly) for your plans and turn your good intentions, ideas, solutions into actions. Pause and RESIST the temptation of falling into the trap of procrastination. Then REFOCUS your attention on your goals and TAN (Take Action Now) to accomplish them. 

Be action steps oriented.

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Identify the action steps needed to get you from where you are to where you want to be. Know what you want. Determine what you need (resources, information, support) to get there. Identify possible obstacles or roadblocks that you may encounter on the way to your aspirations. Brainstorm possible solutions to overcome those obstacles. And come up with the practical steps (daily steps) that you can take to get closer to your desired place. Keep your focus and don’t let your mind wander away. Keep moving. It’s not a race but focus on your pace.

Be Time and Commitment Minded.

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When exactly do you want to reach your goal or be where you want to be? How committed are you to reaching your desired dream? Your commitment increases your motivation toward your goals. Once you set your time, motivation, and commitment, you can then start taking the practical steps with a free mind to reach your desired dreams.

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“I-CAN-DO” Formula: Create a Change and Reach Your Goal.

Wanting to take a deeper look at important areas of your life in a simple but powerful way? Wanting to set clear goals that will ensure commitment, flexibility, and success? Looking for a simple and self-taught tool for assessing and living a balanced life?

Here is a powerful Self-Taught Model that you can use to begin right now to steer yourself toward a more fulfilled and happy life. This model is known as the “I-CAN-DO” model, which was developed by Curly Martin. Unlike many other goal-setting and change-making models, this is one of the simple but powerful ones to use at ease. The name of the model itself is great for remembrance. It brings you into a positive “I can do” mindset as you embark on the journey of accomplishing any goal or changing any aspect of your life. With six simple steps, it allows you to take daily practical steps that will bring you closer to your goal.

Change can be overwhelming, but change is possible. List each area that is important to you or you want to change. List any goal/dream that you want to reach. Then follow the “I-CAN-DO” formula to set yourself on the road to success. Be honest and get as detailed as possible as you go through this. Sometimes the areas you spend more time on, give a perspective of your priorities.

So, what does the “I-CAN-DO” acronym stand for and how can you use it?

Access your FREE template here to start your successful goal setting or change journey.

I =


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Photo by Wallace Chuck on Pexels.com.

Take a look at the various aspects of your life. Investigate which areas are important to you. It could be personal or general. Some common categories may include family, relationship, career, life purpose, happiness, Physical body or health, and spiritual life. Spend some time and think about yourself, your goals, and where you want to be. Investigate and identify which area you want to change. How important is that area or goal to you? Why do you want to reach that goal or make that change? Take your physical health as an example: You want to stay fit and lose weight. Investigate the reason why you want to lose weight.

C =


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What is your current situation in the area you want to change? Give a brief description of it. Find out where you are at right now and analyze what your current life situation is. If you do not know what is working and how it is working, it becomes difficult to fix it when it breaks. Taking the time to fully assess the current situation can help you figure out what you need to fix it, and how you can go about fixing it. It gives you an understanding of the impact that the situation is having on you. What is your current physical health situation? What is your current weight?

A =


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What are you aiming for in this area of your life? What are your overall goals and dreams in this area or life in general? Identify your target. Write it down and commit to it. Writing down your goals or targets increases your self-motivation and commitment to accomplishing them. Your goal or the change you want to make must be clear and specific. This will allow you to feel truly focused and motivated for a successful outcome. Know exactly what you want to accomplish or change, why is it important, who is involved, and which resources or obstacles may be associated with it. At what weight exactly do you want to be?

N =


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Explore several ways to reach what you are aiming for. What number of alternative ways can you use to achieve your aims? What are the different methods or routes to take to get to where you want to be? List as many options as possible. The goal is for you not to run out of options. This will boost your flexibility, which is an essential skill for you to increase your level of success. What are the various steps you can take to lose weight? How many ways can you get to your ideal weight? How many successful methods of weight loss you have heard about or experienced? 

D =


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Set the date by when you want to achieve this goal. Date specification is important. It enhances commitment and focus. By what date do you want to achieve your desired aim? This aspect helps track your progress and stay committed. Know when you want to reach your target or get the desired change you want. Break it down into small chunks. Know what you can do today, in 2 weeks, in 30 days, in 60 days, in 6 months and in 365 days. By what date do you want to be at your desired weight?



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This is for you to distinguish how you will know that your outcome has been successfully achieved. What are the outcome achievement indicators? How would you know that you have reached your goals or desired state? What does it look like? How would you feel? How would you celebrate your success or reward yourself? How would you know you have reached your desired weight?

You can do this! This is a simple but powerful tool to help you set your goals and achieve them. It helps you identify and make changes that stick. It is so simple that anyone can use it to achieve success in different areas of their life. I would love to hear how your journey is going and let me know best I can support you as we are partners on this journey of daily learning and transformation. 

Take Action Now! Download the “I-CAN-DO” worksheet here to jumpstart your successful change process.

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4 Ways to Manage Frustrations.

As humans, it is natural that when things don’t go our way and we feel powerless to change a situation or its outcome, we get frustrated. We all express our frustrations in different forms: Hitting the table, snapping fingers, smacking lips, rolling eyes, sucking teeth, punching walls, we kick an object, we hit ourselves, we blame others, we use wrong/bad words, or we yell “Nooo!” When the car door gets stuck when we are in haste, we hit it. If we don’t like the meeting or we don’t like the boss’ decision, we complain or grumble in private.

In as much as it is natural to feel frustrated as humans, it is good to realize that sometimes when our deep desires or relevant goals are not achieved, the level of frustration we feel can be overwhelming and destructive to our happiness and productivity.

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During frustrations, some of us lose our temper and say or do things that we deeply regret later. Others lose confidence in themselves and they quit or simply give up on their dreams or goals. Some people simply feel withdrawn, retreated, or be in isolation as they tend to wallow in self-pity. All these coping strategies or behaviors have the potential to limit our happiness, purpose, personal growth, and success.

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How do we manage our frustrations in uplifting ways?

Here are 4 powerful tips to remember as you take daily practical steps to minimize frustrations:

1. Package your expectations accordingly.

Plan and set realistic expectations for yourself, others, and situations. When you habitually set expectations that are too high, they lead to frequent frustrations and disappointments when they are not met as expected. When you habitually set expectations that are too low, they lead to a lack of motivation which might lead to frustrations. Setting flexible (realistic) expectations (not too high and not too low) brings you fewer frustrations. Identify what and what falls within your control and focus on what you can control or influence.

2. Give a purpose to your frustration.

It’s inevitable that we all can go through frustration and the pain that comes with it. Here is the thing though: You can allow frustrations to take you down when your life circumstances do not match up with your perception of the way the world should be. We most times forget to give a purpose to our frustrations, failure, setbacks, or disappointments when we feel powerless over them. We are not powerless because we can always choose to change our views of them. We could use those frustrations and setbacks as opportunities to learn or as avenues to a greater purpose.

3. Define your “Good Enough.

At what level do you say, “this is good enough” and then be content with it? It is not a bad thing to strive for excellence, but it becomes joy draining when we strive for perfection all the time and we don’t get it. Do you want to reach perfection, but you can’t stand frustrations and setbacks? Well, you need to know when is your “good enough” because failure, setbacks, frustrations, and disappointments are all critical road signs to perfection. Most times our obsession with perfection breeds frustrations. Focusing on perfection brings fear to risk-taking. It slows progress and avoids constructive criticisms. These are all necessary ingredients for personal growth and success.

4. Produce a Positive attitude and Mindset.

Positive mindset does not allow frustration to settle in. An angry and negative mindset creates crooked thinking ability, but a calm and positive mindset keeps your thoughts straight. This allows you to identify and address the cause of frustrations and anger. Cultivating a positive attitude helps you go above negative feelings, and this motivates you to deal with your frustrations in healthy ways. Build on your confidence, strengthen your character, and boost your courage. Set your goals, set your rewards for accomplishing those goals, and maintain focus as you strengthen your positive attitude. 

Be intentional to:

  • Notice when you are about to get frustrated.
  • Understand what is causing your frustration.
  • Notice the form in which you start expressing it.
  • Notice what you can do to minimize it without losing your positive attitude.
  • Notice the practical steps you are to take to cope with it.

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3 Ways To Reframe Negative Situations

Re-framing = Changing the perspective of a situation. 

 Imagine this: Each life experience or situation is like a photo inside a frame. 

Now, that frame influences the appearance of the photo. Also, the way the photo is seen could be influenced by other factors it such as the environment it is placed in, where it is hung up, the lightning, and the colors around the wall and the frame. All these factors tend to even change the meaning of the actual photo.

We all can face frustrating or disappointing experiences sometimes. And whenever this happens, we would like to bounce back stronger. Well, part of cultivating this form of resilience has a lot to to with how those life experiences are perceived or framed.

Just like changing the frame of a photo, if we can learn to properly reframe life experiences or change the way we look at situations, the meaning can change as well. In most cases, when we change the way we look at things, that does change the way we interpret it. Situations happen to us. We get to choose how we define it, tell it, interpret it, and believe it. We always have a choice to look for the silver lining in any situation. The meaning we attach to each life situation could either motivate or demotivate us. It could either move us forward or hold us back. 

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There is a great power that lies in the way we interpret or perceive our life situations. Indeed, we may not be able to change what happens to us, but we always can change the way we react or respond to what happens. We can influence how we choose to perceive the situation in our minds. 

Most of our life situations do not determine the outcomes by themselves, but our perceptions do.


It is reasonable to understand that it can be hard to think of the good in all hard situations. For example, it can be hard to stay happy in very traumatic situations. It can be hard to perceive such situations as happy ones. So, validate those feelings and emotions. Show yourself some empathy and treat yourself with compassion. After that, gradually try to look for ways to bounce back by reframing some elements of it. It is a good thing to practice rephrasing life circumstances, especially the ones you have no control over. This can be a source of healing for you. 

Here are 3 ways to cultivate the habit of reframing negative situation:

1. Perspective changing questions:

love people woman art

Ask yourself honest questions that would help you look at situations differently. Since we don’t always have control over everything, good things are going to happen to us that we will always celebrate and reframe positively. Also, some things that will make us disappointed, angry, frustrated, or sad are bound to happen. When they do, here are some questions to consider asking yourself when you start to reframe those negative experiences: 

What else might be going on here? What good can be found in this? What did I learn from this experience? What can I do differently next time? What positive outcomes eventually came as a result of this situation? What meaning does it have? What purpose does it give me? How can I use this for good? What advice can I give to someone else about a similar situation?

You can practice this. You can look at a list of any experiences from your past that were negative and then identify the positive outcomes and or the empowering lessons you can take from them. Change your perspective. 

2. Reframe the meaning of words or phrases:

For example, to some people, “work” could mean or framed to be “demeaning or “depressing” or something they “have to do.” To others, it could mean “empowering” or “purposeful” or something they “Get to do” because they can do it and they are grateful for that.

What about the word “fail?” To some people with a fixed mindset, it can make them feel strong emotions of fear. To them, failure is the ultimate worst-case scenario. Because they have framed it that when they fail at something that means they are now a failure. 

For people with a growth mindset, it could mean “lesson learned.” They don’t see it as “everything has been lost.” This is because they have learned something from it that they can apply to their life. For a growth mindset, failure becomes a failure when you don’t attempt to do something, when you don’t learn from wrong attempts, and when you quit before even trying it first.

3. Empower your mind with your thoughts:

Remember the M-TEA Interaction: The Mind-Thoughts- Emotions-Actions. Your MIND is responsible for your THOUGHTS, and your thoughts determine your EMOTIONS. Then your emotions shape your ACTIONS. And in the end, those actions produce the CHANGE we desire and how we PERCEIVE our world, our situations, and others around us. 

The next time you start thinking that you are not good at something or you can’t do something, try to empower your mind. Allow your mind to know that you may not have the ability right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t do it. Your subconscious mind is so powerful that it listens to what you say and want. When you tell your mind that you can develop the ability to do something, it starts to look for ways to learn and grow that ability. Reframe your perspective by empowering your mind. Make the shift from limiting your mind to tell it that it is possible, and you are possible:

“I can’t achieve this goal” to “I haven’t achieved this goal yet.”

“I am not good enough” to “I’m getting better at this.”

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3 Simple Steps to Overcoming Your Fears

Let’s start with these questions: Have you been in a situation where you become so afraid of taking the next step? What about the fear of making a change?  

Have you ever been afraid of something, but you later found that it wasn’t as bad as you had thought? 

For example, as a young boy, I used to go to the forest with my friends to set traps. Every time we would hear some creepy noise coming through the thick bushes, fear will immediately consume us, and we would start running all over the place. At some point, we decided to stop running to see what was happening. We started seeing that the noises were mostly coming from either squirrels, or monkeys, or snakes that were passing through those leaves and bushes. We asked ourselves, “so have we been running away from monkeys and squirrels?” From that point, our fears, worries, and anxieties were at ease. Since then, the more we stopped to see what was happening or coming before running, the lesser our fears became. 

Why was that? Because we started taking the time to assess the situation. We were now able to describe what was happening or coming. We were able to weigh the impact or effect, and we were able to then plan ways to deal with it or escape it.

Think about it this way: You were in the woods and you heard some creepy footsteps in a distance. You became afraid because you didn’t know what it was, and you didn’t want to look back at it. This started causing you to fear. You started making assumptions. Then you later decided to look back, and you saw that it was a big deer. What happened? You took away the power that fear was trying to have over you at that moment. Because you were now able to clearly define the situation, you were able to know how to handle it. This is where the phrase. “Face your fears” comes in.

Years along the line, I came across an activity called “Fear Setting,” in the work of Tim Ferris. I later learned more about the power of this both in my life coaching sessions and in real-life experiences. I want to share with you these 3 simple but powerful steps. This is about getting the courage to face your fears so that you can overcome them. 

Here are the practical steps that you can use to overcome your fears:

  • Define your fear: When you can specifically define what you are afraid of, then you can overcome them or deal with them in healthy ways. Allow yourself to honestly define what you are afraid of. Shine a light on your fear. Take a closer look and identify to know what it is. Get details about what could go wrong as it relates to this fear. What could the worst-case scenarios be? If this could happen and so what? Why would that even matter? Identify both the short and long-term outcomes that could happen because of this. Keep digging until you are at the core of what you are afraid of. In the end, you will be in a better position to know how to handle it.
  • Prevention: This is where you start looking at possible solutions to each of the pieces of what could go wrong. It doesn’t mean you are always going to be able to prevent every possible outcome. Realize that there are some situations that we can’t do that much about. However, there is always something or some way we can influence something. Think about ways you could reduce the chances of something going wrong. Is there any source of empowerment at all?
  • Repair: This is where you can choose to come out stronger or defeated. This where you ask yourself, “Well if this worst scenario happens, what could I do to either repair the damage or to bounce back successfully?” Think about the possible ways you could get your life back on track. Solving problem in advance is a vital skill to cultivate for resilience. This is true for any effective personal leadership. It’s about anticipating problems and developing solutions before they arrive. It is also valid to understand that you can’t just handle a situation when it is not there. But this stage can help you work on some of those possible outcomes constructively in your mind. What possible solutions could help you cope with the outcomes or even thrive through them? 

This activity is also applied in setting and accomplishing goals. As you are doing goal setting remember fear setting as well. Because if an underlying fear is getting in the way of accomplishing your goals, then applying this technique to overcome the fear will also help you reach your goals faster.

Overcoming your fear starts with getting a clear understanding of what it is.


Here is a typical example you can relate to as you fill out the worksheet:

Situation: You want to start a restaurant business.

Define the fear: You are afraid that the business might fail. Dig deeper: And so, what? Why should that matter? You might not be able to pay your bills. You might not be able to afford your rent. You might not afford your child’s school. 

Prevention: What possible ways to prevent these problems from happening? You could look for different ways to make money. You could apply for a scholarship for your kid. You could move in with a friend or family member to save rent. You could learn new skills and do some side hustle like becoming an Uber driver or a taxi driver. Not that you are stopping it from happening, but you are finding ways to prevent it from becoming a hard problem for you. 

Repair: Then actually do some of the things you have brainstormed. If you are stressed, seek a stress management platform. Take on a temporary job. There may not be perfect answers but try the possible solutions to come out strong. You are trying something real. This eases your stress and fear. This process will also help you feel that sense of empowerment, confidence, and freedom. 

So, instead of avoiding your fears, face them with confidence. 

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4 Ways To Activate Your Mood For An Awesome Week: Mirror Talk

How do we show up complete and whole for ourselves and others in our busy world today? Here is a simple but powerful practical tool to do this for a happy week: Mirror Talk!

Mirror conversation simply means standing in front of the mirror to direct your focus. Honest Mirror Talk gives you the freedom to confront the real you. When you show up authentically and completely for yourself while you are alone, it makes it easier to be complete and whole when you are with others.

Win the attitude from the inside first and then reflect the glory on the outside.


It ignites healing, inspiration, and transformation. You can have mirror conversation anytime- every morning, or at the beginning of a new week.

How do you do this?

First Step: Unedited Conversation with yourself in front of the mirror: 

Stand in front of the mirror and look at the other person you are about to have an honest conversation with (that’s YOU). It’s time to show yourself some love, grace, and compassion. It’s normal that we tend to treat and look at our best friends with more grace and compassion, but we tend to judge ourselves harshly and with some form of ridicule. Remember that your first true best friend is yourself. Here are 4 ways or steps to consider (you can add or subtract as you see necessary):

  1. Gratitude: A grateful heart is a joyful heart. Focus on gratitude. List 3 things you are grateful for this morning or last week? It doesn’t have to be big. It could be you waking up, the running water, comfortable bed, coffee awaits you, money in your wallet, having a job, having a family, waking up next to someone, etc. Gratitude gladdens the heart!

Start by saying your name, and then come up with 3 different endings for the following sentence:

__________, I’m grateful for/that…


Nabs, I’m grateful that you got out of bed this morning. Nabs, I am grateful that you have a family. Nabs, I’m grateful that you have running water. 

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2. Good Pride: Take the time to humbly recognize what you have accomplished. That is a good pride. You should be proud of your work! That’s a source of self-motivation. What are you proud of? It is not a bad idea to notice the progress (little or big) you have made and are making every day. You see the good in others and become happy for them. You also deserve the right to notice the blessings and accomplishments in your own life. Your God will be pleased for acknowledging that. Forgiving yourself is also a huge accomplishment. Forgiving others can be challenging but forgiving ourselves can be even more difficult. We tend to keep beating ourselves up for our mistakes and regrets over and again. Show yourself some grace and compassion and choose to leave your regrets and mistakes behind. That is a huge accomplishment to be proud of. 

Start by saying your name, and then come up with 3 different endings for the following sentence:

___________, I’m proud of you for/that…


Joe, I’m proud of you for having the courage to stand in front of the mirror today. Joe, I’m proud of you that you are making an impact. Joe, I’m proud of you for choosing to forgive yourself for what happened.  

3. Acknowledge “Within Control and Out of control.”: Acknowledge and accept what is within your control and what is beyond your control. Look at the activities you are planning to do today or this week. Acknowledge and accept what falls within your control and outside of it. What about the meetings you are to attend? What about the places you have planned to go to? What about the people you have planned to meet or interact with? List some things that you think you can influence or control today. List those that you don’t have control over. Be very realistic when it comes to identifying what falls within your control and what doesn’t. What is stressing you out? Can you control it? What is most important to you, and what can you do about it?

Acknowledge and accept the realities: I acknowledge and accept that things could go well as planned or something could go wrong. But, in either case, I am focusing on choosing my attitude. Accept that you may not have control over what may happen today, but you certainly have control over how you choose to react to what happens. Avoid joy limiting expectations. Acknowledge your level of expectations: Refrain from setting very high expectations that could steal your joy when they are not met. Refrain from setting very low expectations that could drain your motivation. Instead, focus on setting flexible expectations.

Start by saying your name, and then come up with 3 different endings for the following sentence:

___________, I acknowledge/accept that…


Amy, as you go out today, you can acknowledge and accept that you can control “your own” behaviors, actions, and words. Amy, you also acknowledge and accept that your plans could go accordingly or not. Amy, you also acknowledge and accept the fact that you don’t have control over other people’s behaviors and other unforeseen situations that may happen

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4. Commitment: What commitment are you making for yourself this week? I know you have heard people say happiness is a choice. But it’s much more than that, right? Because if it were just a matter of choice then everyone would just say I choose to be happy and they would live happily. The choice has to go with practical commitment. That is, intentionally taking steps to make the choice a reality. What practical steps are you going to take to make your commitment a reality? As you make the verbal commitment, also write down some practical steps that you can take to make your commitment a reality. 

If you can show up complete and authentic with yourself when you are alone, you can show up whole and complete when you are with others.


Start by saying your name, and then come up with 3 different endings for the following sentence:

______, I commit to you today that… 


Example: John, I commit to you that today you will show up strong and happy. John, I commit to you that you will not allow anything/anybody to steal your joy. John, I commit to you that you will choose to show up authentically. 

Final Step: Written summary of your main points under each section.

Remember that written goals or commitment have a higher chance for success. Make A quick summary of your points. It could be a word or two or short phrases to remember for the week/day. Put this final list somewhere that you can easily see. This will serve as a visible reminder.

Plans come to life when they are acted upon. Taking practical steps to turn your plans, solutions and commitment into action makes the difference.


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4 Powerful Steps to Overcome What Diminishes Your Potential?

Daily Practical Steps to Happiness and Change: #4.

Identify and overcome the diminishers of your potential with 4 powerful steps.



New Week!

We all have potential in abundance to do many things. While the potential of some people continue to thrive, some others’ potential continues to be limited or diminished.

But where do the diminishers of our potential come from? Well, they come from the following two main sources:

1. The limiting opinions others hold about us:

2. The limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves.

Yes, we do get limited by what others think of our abilities. However, the limitations that stagnate and diminish our potential to a greater level are those that we hold about ourselves.

Therefore, we first need to tackle our self-potential diminishers. They are the limiting beliefs that originate from within us. Once we are able to master our self-limiting beliefs and potential diminishers, it becomes easy to deal with the limiting opinions coming from others.

What are some of these self-potential diminishers? Let’s look at the 3 main diminishers of our potential, and how we can overcome them.


Limiting Beliefs Vs Daily Affirmations.

How to over come this? Crush your limiting beliefs with concise, positive, and powerful sentences that replace unhealthy thoughts with positive images in your mind. Write down your affirmations and practice them daily.

  • I am good enough.
  • My mistakes do not define me.
  • I am capable.
  • I am confident.
  • I have high self-esteem.
  • I can make it. I’m a happy person.

You could choose to say them out loud at the start of your day or think about them as you interact with others. Believe each positive statement you write about yourself and start to act on it.

Don’t be intimated by your weaknesses but overcome them with your strengths which you have many. After all, we all occupy the largest room: which is the room for IMPROVEMENT.



Fear Vs Hope.

One of the largest causes of procrastination is typically fear. We want to do something, but we keep putting it off and our enthusiasm keeps diminishing. We accumulate fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of perfection, and fear of the unknown.

How to overcome this? Overcome those fears with radical hope, confidence, courage, and determination. Surround yourself with people that believe in your abilities to do something.

Put your hope above your fears and doubts.



Inability Vs Ability.

On many occasions, we diminish our true potential by the assumptions and beliefs we hold that we are not good enough, we don’t have enough, we don’t have the ability, or the skill set to make things happen.

How to overcome this?

Desire: Do you want to accomplish it? It starts with you having a strong aspiration/desire to do something.

Belief: What is your belief system about your goal, your desire, and yourself? Is that belief system negative or positive? You need to develop an uplifting belief, motivation, and big enough reason that YOU CAN do it. You can achieve it. You are capable. Believe right and live right!

The beliefs we hold about ourselves are like the roots of a tree. The flourishing of the branches and leaves of that tree highly depends on how firmly and nourished the roost are situated.

Nourish your belief system to flourish your life system.


Action: Action: Then Do it. Spring into action.

ACT = Action Changes Things! Sometimes, all we need to do is to start with the “Do It” part. Just take action and you will discover that: Yes, you have wanted to do it all this time. Yes, you were having the ability to do it all this time but you didn’t just know it. And Yes, you still have the ability to keep getting better at it.

Remember that you have your Inner-ability to do whatever you choose to put your mind to. That’s powerful!

Overcome your Inability with your powerful In-ner ability! Tap into your unlimited power from within and unleash your true “Wow” Life!


Overcome limitations or the blocks to your potential with 4 powerful steps. Access the FREE worksheet now!

  1. Identify your potential. Identify your strengths. Write them down. Identify what might be diminishing your potential. What makes you hesitant to do something you really want to do? What have you been putting off for a long time? And what has been getting in the way?
  2. Brainstorm possible solutions. How do you change the order of things? What are the various options?
  3. Act: Turn solutions into practical action steps. What practical action steps do you need to take to make it happen?
  4. Empower your belief: For each obstacle you set to overcome, write down a short, positive and powerful affirmations (statements) about yourself and your belief system.

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WOW Your Potential to Life!= “I CAN Vs I CAN’T”

Daily Practical Steps to Making Change and Creating Happiness: #3.

Cultivate a Growth Mindset to Overcome the “Why You can’t” with the “How You can!”

As we begin a new week in this new year, here is another daily practical step to take as we look at overcoming those little blocks that tend to diminish our potential.

It starts with embracing little shifts in our words, thoughts, and actions. Sometimes we truly want to make a change. We truly want to make something happen, but we think we don’t have enough options on “how we can make it”, and so we get limited by “Why we think we can’t make it.”

gray and brown concrete brick wall

You, see, when we cultivate more options on how we can make it work, how we can get the change we wish to see, then we can start running out of reasons and excuses of why we think we cannot make it work, and why we think we cannot get the change we have desired.

How Do We Do This?

As you confront your goals or a change you want to make, get your two columns. On one side, state the reason why you think you can’t make it. Identify the major obstacle to achieving your goal.
On the other side, observe, then start thinking out of the box for options to go around the obstacle. If it is something you truly need, you will be amazed as you start to list down the many options leading to “how you can make it happen.”

Don’t just put your potential to death by the only option of “why you can’t” do something. Instead, “wow” your potential to life by digging and refining the many other options leading to the “How you can make it work.” You see, sometimes, NO could just mean “New OpportunityOr “Next Option.”

building metal house architecture

It’s about consistency and perseverance in pursuing your dreams, achieving your goals, and overcoming what is holding you back from creating a lasting change. Is like when one door closes, look for another door. When all doors close, look for the widows. And if all winnows are closed, look for a way out through the ceilings.

Achieving goals requires commitment, flexibility, assessment, and resilience. Keep moving. Discover your dream. Develop it and live it.


Master your thoughts. Master yourself. When we can control what we think, we can control what we do. The road to your self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts.

Don’t put your potential to DEATH by the “I CAN’T Do” choice, but “Wow” your potential do LIFE with the “I CAN Do” Mindset.


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Daily practical steps to Change and Happiness: #2

Hello there! Here are 3 daily practical steps to overcome Negative Self-Talks with Positive Thoughts as you create change and happiness. Watch the video below:

We are identifying and overcoming those barriers holding us back from creating change and happiness. And we are doing this by taking daily practical steps. Replace your Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) with your Positive Empowering Thoughts (PETs) with these 3 practical steps:

  1. Take notice of the limiting thoughts that come up. Don’t ignore them. Noticing when something is not right is the first step to fixing it.
  2. Be intentional about replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones. Once you notice, take a radical approach to do something about it. Take action. It should not become a stagnant negative pattern. If you carry a baggage of limiting self-talks, the only person it bothers, affects, and holds back is you.
  3. Make it a habit. Track it until it becomes a pattern.

Remember to win that inner fight between your ANTs and PETs. Be intentional about assessing those thoughts inside before you let them go outside. As you think back, remember to notice both the big and small things that you said “YES” or “NO” to. This becomes a pattern and a useful habit. Celebrate your success along the way.

Truth of the day: A realistic goal requires work to gain a realistic result. Meaning,
meeting our dreams, our goals, and our desires does require us to be intentional about taking practical steps.

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#1: Daily practical steps: Making a change for happiness

Change is hard, right? But the truth is, change is possible! The desire for change is always around us.

earth desert dry hot

There was a time as I continued healing through my past life circumstances, I wanted to change some specific aspect of my journey. I wanted to be in a better place to let go, and rewrite my story. We all can aspire for a change. Has there ever been a time in your life when you wanted to make a change, but your level of inspiration was not just enough to initiate it? Or have you started a change process and you really felt like it was something that you could handle, and it was going well, but later you saw yourself going back to the status quo?

We all try to change something to improve the life we live in. But in our attempts, some of us when we do hit obstacles we sometimes feel like quitting. And for some others, they transform those obstacles into avenues for a greater purpose and they do achieve their desired change.

The question is, why is that? So, that brings us to the first practical step:

Step 1: Remember to understand and lead the use of the main tool and catalyst for a change.

And what is that tool? The MIND!

You see, the mind is more powerful than you can imagine. It is always in use. It’s working right now. The mind could be useful or useless depending on how intentional we become about its functions. The first daily practical step is to always remember how to lead its use. Here is the path to a change:

Your MIND is responsible for your THOUGHTS, and your thoughts determine your EMOTIONS. Then your emotions shape your ACTIONS. And in the end, those actions produce the CHANGE you desire.

So, you see, if we are not feeling the desired changes in our lives, it’s good to recheck the thoughts that we are feeding to our minds. Because the mind is always ready to absorb both healthy and unhealthy thoughts.

You Creating a lasting CHANGE starts with you Leading your MIND and THOUGHTS.


Call to Action: Get access to my “Total transformation for creating lasting change” package. Learn proven techniques and step-by-step system used in overcoming what holds you back from creating lasting change. Learn practical techniques to lead your MIND, which is the most powerful catalyst and tool for a change. Let’s connect!

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It’s Christmas! The holidays have come. The question is: After everything that has happened this year, how are you feeling about celebrations?

Your Hope. Your Faith. Your Love. Your Courage Don’t lose them.  You might have had a difficult year, and so, you may not want to be in the mood to celebrate the holidays. But hey, let’s look at C.H.R.I.S.T.M.A.S. It’s about hope, love, giving, and receiving

So, remember to:

Celebrate and cherish the good moments.

Have some fun. Get some chuckles, smile, and laugh.

Reclaim your joy. Don’t wait for it to happen by accident, but YOU make it happen intentionally.

Illuminate and Inspire others:  Find ways to bring light into someone’s world over these holidays. Send them a note, give them a call to let them know you are thinking of them or praying for them. Help them stay inspired and keep their hope, faith, and courage alive.

Stay connected and Safe with friends and families. The true spirit here is about giving joy to the world! So, receive that joy and spread it around.

Take some time and Tell yourself some good things that happened to you or your family this year. We may have waited or wished for the perfect time, or the best thing to happen this year. But that didn’t happen maybe due to COVID-19 or other related issues. Now, take this moment you have and make it PERFECT!

Make it memorable: The past has happened. What is coming next, we don’t know, and we don’t have it yet. But what you have now is this present moment. Make the holidays memorable because you have them now. Unleash happiness.

Acknowledge and appreciate: Yes, life circumstances happened. Yes, many things may not have gone according to your plans. You didn’t have control over that. But now, you have control over how you choose to continue responding to it. Choose to acknowledge and appreciate the things that went well. Choose to acknowledge what you have learned from what happened this year. Choose to appreciate your life, and the lives of your loved ones. Acknowledge that yes, you can see Christmas.

Then, remember…

Simplicity: Try to keep it simple.  Remember that we can find and experience the greatest glow of happiness in the simplest things around us. Forget about the “bigger the better and the more the merrier” concepts but enjoy the notion of the “simpler the sweeter.”

You are not done! You may have been knocked down, but you are not knocked out. You may have been rejected, but you are not ejected.  This life is not a game of winning or losing. It’s an amazing journey. So, enjoy the journey as well as the destination.

I wish you and your family a very happy Christmas. Have a lot of fun and enjoy each other’s blessings.



adventure beautiful boardwalk bridge

Hey there! Let me ask you a question: What do you think about when people say, “Happiness is a choice?” You just say “I choose happiness”, and you will become Mr. or Mrs. Happy. And you can start spreading happiness all over the place. This would be nice!

You and I know that even though this sounds nice and simple, it is a little more than that.
Yes, happiness starts with making CHOICES:

A CHOICE to accept the realities in life (Life’s complexities and beauty). You are not ALWAYS going to be in that good mood that initiates and sustains your happiness. This is because you are a human being with real emotions.

This makes happiness not a complete stable state of mind that exist forever. This means our popular phrase, “happily ever after” freely exists in our imaginary or wishing world, but it struggles to exist in reality.

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach

A CHOICE to acknowledge the obstacles to happiness: It is also good to acknowledge the fact that it could be hard to choose happiness especially when we are engulfed by extreme poverty, inequalities, pain, and suffering from other natural or artificial hindrances.

We don’t have to accept some of these hindrances, but it’s good to choose to know that they exist so that we are not caught by surprise. Knowing that something exists is a step to fining a way around it. Therefore, happiness starts with the choice to acknowledge the life’s realities, and the choice to be aware of its various impediments that exist.

Now, if the CHOICES bring awareness of WHAT surrounds happiness, then HOW could we still go around to start cultivating daily happiness?

Well, we do this by “Taking Practical Steps.” Yes, our choice to be happy becomes a reality when it is intentionally translated in to taking daily practical steps. Without the practical steps, our choices become mere wishes.

You have also heard the cliché “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” This explains that if our “whishes” could make things happen, then everyone would have everything they wanted. Everyone wishes to be happy, but not everyone wishes to take the practical steps to be happy.

So, feeling happy is not just a matter of choice, but it involves the taking of practical steps to make it a reality. In our subsequent posts, we will start looking at some simple but powerful practical steps to take to cultivate daily happiness.
I would love to hear your views. Please leave your comments. Thank you!

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Refocus . Worry Less . Do More

As we journey together to a joyful and fulfilling life, let’s look at “Focus as another key element on this journey.

It may seem common but, indeed, our “Focus” can work either ‘For’ us or ‘Against’ us. The deciding factor here has always been one of the greatest gifts we all have been given: Choice!

Realistically, what we choose to focus on tends to consume most of our attention as it eventually expands. Our focus occupies our thoughts.

Here are 3 ways to use your focus for uplifting thoughts: 

  • Today’s Focus: Use today to make uplifting memories because they will live on forever. choose to focus on the present moment. Today is your “Experiencing moment.” Live in this moment. Unleash joy in it. Celebrate it. Make it memorable. Today is always the most important day that we get. We sometimes suck the joy out of today especially when we use it to wallow in regrets and frustrations about yesterday’s experience. Also, when we use it to increase our worries and fears about tomorrow’s expectations. 
  • Yesterday’s Focus: Use yesterday’s life circumstances to learn, forgive, inspire, heal, and uplift. Yesterday was your “Remembering moment.” Look for the good memories and celebrate them. Learn from those lessons.
  • Tomorrow’s Focus: Use your tomorrow’s thoughts for flexibility and growth. Allow your worries, fears, and limiting beliefs to stay small while your hope, faith, courage, and uplifting beliefs stay firm. Tomorrow is your “Expecting moment.” Set flexible expectations that are not too high and not too low. Embrace uplifting thoughts to replace limiting thoughts. 

We could try to be as optimistic as we can, but it is good to accept the realities. In this universe, it’s like we are in a fight. Something could go wrong. We are going to encounter problems. Other things will go on well. Part of realistic living is to acknowledge and accept what is within our control and what is beyond our control. Always identify answers to What is stressing you out? Can you control it? What is most important to you, and what can you do about it? The goal is to focus better, worry less, and achieve more.

Sometimes, it helps to analyze situations first. Don’t just start stressing and worrying yourself. Here is a simple situational analysis I normally do. I call it the “Refocus, Worry Less, and Achieve More” principle:

So, is there a situation you are concerned about? Is it happening or about to happen? “Yes.” Is it within your control, and could you do something about it? “Yes.” Then, refocus your mind and thoughts. Worry less and take a step to do something about it. Next, you agree that it’s a situation, but it’s beyond your control. There is no help in worrying. You could pray about it and set healthy expectations. But don’t double your trouble by engaging in excessive worrying.

Certain things are just going to flow smoothly, and others are going to struggle to flow, right? Is it a situation that you are concerned about? “No.” Then no worries at all. Continue collecting the simple and ordinary things that make you happy. When things go wrong, and when we make mistakes, realize that all occupy the greatest room: The room for improvement. There is always a way to change things and to make life better.

Thank you. I am glad to be on this journey together with you. Please leave your comments below. I would love to hear your views and learn from you.


Gratitude Gladdens The Heart.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

This year, many things may look different, but a GRATEFUL HEART remains constant. 

Yes, a new experience may have changed our minds, but the GRATITUDE we feel for each other has not changed.

When gratitude floods our hearts, pain and challenges are not entirely seen as obstacles, but as steppingstones to a greater purpose. Gratitude overtakes fear and brings abundance and transformation.

Let’s take some time to reflect on how far we have come. Counting the joys and blessings around us. Reflecting on the progress we have made. Seizing every day’s opportunity to feel grateful. 

  • There have been obstacles…there have been miracles. 
  • We have learned lessons…we have gained blessings.

In all of this, THANKFULNESS WINS!

  • I m thankful for the progress we’ve made together. 
  • I’m thankful for YOUR FAMILY. 
  • I’m thankful that YOU have chosen to come out stronger, no matter what the situation has been.

Today and every day, I’m thankful for YOU!

You are set to continue experiencing the unfailing love of God. 

Happy Thanksgiving To You And Your Loved Ones!



Be the SALT NOT an INSULT. Be the LIGHT in others’ FRIGHT mode

How do you maintain your unique flavor and brightness regardless of all odds? Here are 4 useful tips:

Thinking of holding back your joy and light when you go unnoticed or unappreciated even after you have done your best?

Considering you being the salt of the earth and the light of the world, the better question becomes: How do you maintain your unique flavor and brightness regardless of all odds? 

Here are four useful tips:

1. Not worrying about the credits

Worry not about you getting the credits or public recognition but think about the deeper “why” you are doing something good for others. 

You are treating people nicely because of who you are – you are a nice person! Be that light in the fright mode of others. You serve as that light in their fright mode to help them change those limiting beliefs that they hold for themselves. The two sources of credits that truly matter are those from your God and your conscience. 

2. Not living on a comparison basis: 

You are unique. Give your unique light and flavor for the good of others. You are “enough”, and you “have enough.”

You don’t need to prove to someone how good you are. Your excellent creator (God) looked at you and said YOU ARE GOOD! Show this in your thoughts, words, and actions.

3. Not conforming to the world: 

“Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will.”-(Romans 12:2).

Lead your thoughts and actions. Allow God to transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

The more doesn’t always mean the merrier and going with the crowd doesn’t always mean going in the right direction. Instead, think about affecting others positively. Choose to be that light of truth, joy blessings, and peace of mind to others.

1 Corinthians 6:12 says: “Everything is permissible for me—but I will not be mastered by anything.” Be determined not to allow the world to master you in any way. 

4. Not losing or misusing your value: You see, salt and light can lose their uniqueness in these two broad ways:

1. when they stop their functions: when salt stops adding flavor and when the light stops to shine. So, we should not withhold our talent and kindness.  

2. How they are being used: naturally, too much salt can overshadow other seasonings and it will start losing its taste. Excessive light in the wrong way might cause harm as well. So if we start leaving out humility and start bringing in too much pride, our usefulness can start becoming more about us and not others. So it’s about watching our balance as we embrace humility, contentment, gratitude and generosity. It’s about watching our balance as we choose to use our freewill, freedom, and influence.

Continue to be the light. Be the light of Peace. The light of hope, and the light of joy. Be that light that ignites others to come out of their fright mode.


At the Heart of Leadership = People + Service

The “Why + Who + What + How + When + Where” of leadership = Serve. Empower. Transform.

Why leadership? Who is involved in it? What does leadership mean to you? How does it work? When and where does leadership happen?

Providing answers to these questions further suggest 3 reasons:

• reason for accepting the leadership role.

• Reason for appreciating the role.

• Reason for manifesting yourself within the role in a certain way.

  1. The Why and Who of leadership:

The “Why and Who” make up the heartbeat of leadership. The “why” refers to the purpose and the “Who” refers to the people.

The purpose of leadership has to do with adding value, building significance, changing the order of things, and unlocking the potential in others. On the other hand, the “who” of leadership has to do with people, building leaders, your outward focus on others, building a life of significance, and leaving a meaningful legacy that endures and replicates.

2. The What and How of leadership:

What is it? What is it about? How does it happen then?

The “what” of leadership has to do with the accumulated knowledge or information around it. The “How” of leadership has to do with the transformation of that knowledge and understanding into actual practices. Learning = knowing=Understanding=Doing/application.

3. The When and Where of leadership:

When and where does it happen

When? The best times to lead include “Every time; a time that involves people whether directly or indirectly and there is a need to make an impact; a time something needs to be changed for the better.

Where? Every given place at every given time is a given opportunity to lead because people are always going to be involved, there is always a need to make an impact, and to change the order of things. Leadership happens every day and everywhere. 

Authentic leadership happens both when things are bright and beautiful, and when things are dark and ugly. That means true transformational leaders do not only enjoy leading when it’s comfortable, calm, and problem free. But they spring into action even when things are uncomfortable, uncertain, and surrounded by problems.

A timely, needed and accurate leadership is every time and everywhere leadership that looks for the opportunity to add value to others, seize every moment in every place to build significance into others, and change the order of things.

Thank you!


You Get To Define Who You Are!

Situations in our lives do not define who we are… except if we let them.

Photo by Simon Migaj on Pexels.com

Life circumstances may be happening now. But you happened first! Therefore, let your life circumstances make you and not break you.

You were already here. You already know what quitting feels like…but what happens if you don’t quit? Being knocked down by life circumstances doesn’t equate to being knocked out…except if you let that happen.

You are God’s masterpiece! You are wonderfully and fearfully designed. You are so much stronger than you can imagine.

So, when your life circumstances provide you with choices:

  • Choose to come out stronger and don’t just quit.
  • Choose to learn from them and don’t just loose.
  • Choose to come out admirable and not miserable.
  • Choose to be better and not bitter.

In the end, you can be victorious and not be victimized because you are cherished and loved. Our potential is found between what is and what could be. God has a purpose for your life! Life is beautiful and fragile, and YOU can fit in between that beauty and fragility.


Managing Expectations for Joy (#2)

Dealing with Joy limiting Expectations

When we become obsessed with perfection in all areas, we do end up with frustration in most areas.  It starts with identifying and understanding what falls within your control or influence: like your attitude, what you choose to do with your time, your reaction, skills, education. Concentrate your time and energy to strengthen your strengths.

Then, identify and understand what is beyond your control: like the opinions of others, their attitude, their mistakes, their feelings about you, the weather, who wins, the economy, politics. Don’t ruin your day because of a rainy day, or unexpected weather. Do the best you can while dealing or thinking about those things beyond your control, and leave the rest to God. Then reset and refocus your mind to still unleash your joy. What is destined to flow smoothly will flow smoothly, and others might struggle to flow.

The day doesn’t get ruin because it rains or is cold. It all depends on how we decide to see things. We don’t have control over the weather. Both you and the rainy or sunny day are controlled by the same supernatural being or creator, who determines our steps and timing.

Enjoy what you can and when you can. With your resilience and willpower, you can make your day as fun as you want it.


Refocusing Joy Limiting Expectations

Focusing on setting Expectations for Joy

We do mean well when we hold certain expectations. Sometimes, as our thoughts, emotions, and imagination continue to fluctuate around those expectations and their outcomes, the tendency for our joy to start getting limited by those mixed feelings increases as our focus starts wavering. Here are three reminders as you set and refocus your expectations for joy:

Focus on your grander purpose: Do you use your expectations to wrap your happiness around the external life circumstances, or do you flex your expectations to still unleash your happiness from within regardless of the outcomes of those expectations? 

Let us say you have decided to go on a vacation to relax, reflect, and have fun (grander purpose or reason). You have imagined and expected a classic experience- to have a great host, the best room with a big bathtub, excellent food. You get there but the bathtub was not big enough as you have imagined, or the food was not served on time. You now have the choice to ruin your joy at the moment due to your high unmet expectations or to choose to still unleash your happiness by holding on to your grander reason in the first place.

Photo by Erik Karits on Pexels.com

Focus on a shift in mindset (Paradigm Shift): While thinking about us in an ideal situation, we expect people to behave in certain ways and display similar behaviors. We do expect to be treated nicer when we treat others nicer. The golden law says, “Treat others as you would like them to treat you”. The unfortunate part is that this is not always the case. With this principle of “give and take”, frustrations and disappointments set in when we are not cautious. 

Our expectations of others do not change them, but of course, we can restructure our attitude and maximize our happiness. When adjusting our expectations of ourselves and others, we can minimize the drastic feelings of disappointments, frustrations, stress, and this will free more room for us to unleash joy in the moments and focus on the things that truly matter.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

Focus on flexible expectations: Cultivate the attitude of flexible expectations. In research published by a psychology professor, Sonja Lyubomirsky, it shows that only 10% of your happiness is based on your life circumstances. 90% is based on how you react to what happens, how you perceive the world, your attitude, and how you view the realities of things. Sometimes, we can change the way we look at things, and the things we look at will start changing. We can start fixing our mindsets, and our situations will start fixing themselves.


4 Critical Leadership Choices

With leadership choices being so powerful, what choices are you making as a leader? In this video, I share 4 critical choices every leader makes whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Every leadership requires the making of choices, and because the attitude of leaders can be contagious, those choices have a profound impact on the effectiveness of the leader. Determining and understanding the power of leadership choices further establishes a deeper understanding of the nature of a leader’s influence, the type of leader that person becomes, the type of leadership style they use, and even how significant of an impact they can make. 

I used to ask both emerging leaders and seasoned leaders key questions, especially when people decide to take up leadership roles or decide to make certain decisions: 

These questions are around four critical leadership choices that every leader makes whether consciously or unconsciously: 

  1. Perception: What choices are you going to make about your perception of those you lead?
  2. Use of status, position, and influence: How do you choose to use your status, position, or influence? 
  3. Focus and mindset: What is the basis of your mindset and focus? 
  4. Nature of impact or legacy: What choices are you making about the nature of your impact or legacy?

When it comes to engaging in meaningful impact making leadership, these questions help us understand why certain people accept a leadership role, the need to appreciate the role, and how and why certain leaders tend to manifest themselves in certain ways within that role. 

It’s good to know that leadership should be a joy and not a burden. It is not just about learning lessons but it’s about gaining and sharing blessings. 

Thank you! You are awesome!


Why suppress your uniqueness?

The beauty of you being yourself. Do you tend to alter your uniqueness while trying to be seen as “normal or not weird?”

I invite you to watch this video as I share the top 3 fears to overcome so that they don’t suppress your uniqueness or hold back your joy, excitement, and enthusiasm.

Who are you? Who does that? Are you normal? These questions seem to be simple and common and they are used in our daily interactions. They relate to our perception of normality and abnormality. However, the manner in which they are used and the expectations behind them could limit some individuals from truly and freely expressing their uniqueness, joy, excitement, and enthusiasm 

With our perception of normality and abnormality, we hold three main fears that tend to alter our uniqueness in our struggle to be seen as “normal.” In actual fact, normal can be a complex concept to give a general definition to. Here are the top three fears to overcome:

  1. Fear of being seen weird or not normal: What seems normal for one person because of their cultural upbringing might not be normal for another person. When you do what you think is normal and is in line with your authentic self, it brings more fulfillment, you feel at ease, and comfortable and happy.
  2. Fear of not wanting to hurt others’ feelings: Don’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings with hurtful words or actions or thoughts. But trying to forcefully and untruthfully please others’feelings at the expense of yours can be hurtful to you and them in the long run. Trying to stay true to yourself doesn’t mean you are not normal. 
  3. Fear of not fitting in or not being in conformity: Authenticity is a matter of accepting your uniqueness, your real you, and be comfortable with that. We don’t always have to fit in. Don’t measure your own life by using another person’s tape rule. 

Thank you! You are amazing!

I love reading your comments and learning from your own viewpoint. Feel free to share.


Living Happily Ever After…?RECOGNIZE! RE-ENERGIZE! RISE!

Perfect Moment To Unleash Your Joy Today!

Photo by Belle Co on Pexels.com

RECOGNIZE, RE-ENERGIZE and RISE to Unleash your Joy Today!

You can stop waiting for something outside of you to change before you can start living a fulfilling life. Because, when what is INSIDE of us changes, then the force becomes greater to transform what is OUTSIDE of us. That is God’s goodness and gift to us. That in every moment we can recreate ourselves through the choices we make.

This whole notion of living happily ever after… doesn’t exist. HAPPINESS is not a stable state of mind or feelings that exists forever. It comes and goes just as our emotions fluctuate. So, no need to wait for a special thing or occasion to happen before you can be happy. You being alive is a special occasion. Enjoy your Aliveness!

You can stop postponing your happiness, and choose to unleash it now. If you always allow your happiness to be dependent on something or somebody, you are mostly setting yourself up for frustration and stress. Take the moment you have now, and make it perfect! If you are still waiting, make the “WAITING FUN”, and unleash your joy in that waiting.

HAPPINESS is a process. It’s that commitment you make to be able to be in the NOW and enjoy it. It’s that commitment you make to RESILIENTLY embrace the past. It’s that commitment you make to BECOME a realistic optimist to set your expectations while expecting the REALITIES in life. You expect the unexpected, and you expect the future with THOUGHTFULNESS and HOPE.

RECOGNIZE your full potential and unleash your joy so that your life CIRCUMSTANCES will make you BETTER and not BITTER.

RE-ENERGIZE yourself to TAN (Take Action Now) so that your life circumstances will MAKE you and not BREAK you.

RISE to The Next Best Version of Yourself today and become VICTORIOUS over your life circumstances, and don’t become a VICTIM.

UNLEASH that power within today! YOU are awesome! TRY to make every day awesome!


Can old dogs learn new tricks? Can People Change?

Are you getting stuck at a point, and you feel like giving up because you think people don’t change or old dogs don‘t learn new tricks?

I invite you to watch this video as I share top 7 tips for overcoming these limiting beliefs:

Here are 7 tips to overcome your doubt or beliefs that could be limiting your growth, learning, or desire for making a change for your life. These tips provide the foundation of any change action and cycle: 

Beliesystem: Check whether your belief system is limiting or uplifting. Can you do this? Believe that YES you can still learn and you are capable of changing any habits. Only you can truly agree to step out of the old things and step into something new. 

Desire:  Do you want to do this? Are you motivated to do this? As you aspire, cultivate the desire and motivation to follow through. 

Action: Turn solutions into action! Do something! Realize that sometimes action inspires your belief, desire, and motivation. So, just do it! 

Commitment: Don’t give up! It can be hard but realize that the result can be truly transformational. 

Evaluation: check your progress, reset, redirect, readjust, restate, and reignite your passion along the way. 

Celebration: Enjoy the journey as well as the destination. Notice small victories, and make each moment counts.

Expand connections: Don’t get limited! The world has so many amazing people. Expand, and learn from your connections accordingly. Surround yourself with the right connections to boost your confidence, competence, character, and commitment. 

Thank you! You are amazing!

I love reading your comments, learning from your own viewpoint, and feeling your engagement. Feel free to share because it might be of a blessing to someone.


“Enemies of Progress?” 3 C’s Of How To LET GO.

What is holding you back?

I invite you to watch this video as I share my top 3 tips for letting go of our “Enemies of Progress.”

So, how do we master our inner struggle to let go of those things that might be holding us hostage, hindering our progress, and limiting us from fully unleashing our true joy? Here are 3 C’s:  

Confront your past: The goal is not to forget about your past because this is not practically possible for us as humans with complex emotions, feelings, and thoughts. The goals are for you: 

  1. Not to dwell on your past. Not to wallow in regrets. Not to lack hope and thoughts.
  2. To validate your feelings in uplifting ways. Allow your past to make you & not break you. Come out stronger & admirable & not see yourself as a failure or miserable person.
  3. To gain motivationdirection from your past. Not to have it be of hindrance to your growth. 
  4. To gain Freedom within. For you to let go of excess emotional baggage. 

Confess your “REAL YOU”and Cultivate forgiveness: It’s about having a healthy conversation with who is in the mirror. This is about healing, releasing, and receiving. It starts with letting it out before letting it go. This needs tough courage and radical honesty.

Conditioning and Commitment: For your “Let Go” to be sustainable, you would need to recondition your mind to something uplifting so that you don’t get to go back to what you have already put behind you. Commitment on the other hand is key to making your new you a success. Make four key commitment of reminders for yourself:

  1. You have gained and given forgiveness, and you choose to live in freedom.
  2. To celebrate and appreciate your “New You.”
  3. To embrace kindness and likeness for you and others.
  4. You have let it out and it is gone. It will no longer steal your joy.

Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” 

Thank you! You are amazing!

I love reading your comments, learning from your own viewpoint, and feeling your engagement. Feel free to share because it might be of a blessing to someone.


Dealing with Joy Limiting Expectations (#1)

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Your expectations: Limiting or uplifting?

Are your expectations for yourself and others too high that they suck the joy out of you when they are not met as expected, or are they set at a flexible level so that you have room for grace, learning, and growth for yourself and others? When we become obsessed with perfection in all areas, we do end up with frustration in most areas. Here are three considerations for setting up uplifting expectations for joy:

Cultivate and strengthen flexibility in Expectations: Be a realistic optimist, and set your expectations with hope and thoughtfulness while expecting the unexpected. Nurture your happiness from within and manifest it on the outside. Let your quest for perfection don’t lead to dangerously limiting expectations that will, in turn, lead to frustrations and disappointments. Cultivating realistic expectations requires the awareness of people and situations changing or remaining as they are in favor of or against your expectations. This involves the cultivation of the fundamental principles of happy living in any uplifting interaction: dignity, authenticity, self-honesty, simplicity, life purpose, mutual respect, and trust.

Thoughtful acceptance and giving:  Thoughtful acceptance and giving require you to freely accept others for who they are without holding back, and freely give them without any expectation to get something in return. It’s about the willingness to accept and give without reservation and expectations. Everyone is unique, and all people have characters but not all characters are found in all people. Not everyone is going to look just like us, see things the way we do, dress as we do, organized as we are, or hold the same expectations. People have different values and standards. That’s why people can either be of blessings or lessons to us as we meet them. Learning to expect the unexpected gives you a better expectation.

Accepting and expecting the mixture of Life’s uncertainties: Research shows that our happiness can be directly relational to our state of mind. Expecting the unexpected helps you with the acceptance that life works in mysterious ways, and that we can enjoy the goodies when they come, and solve the difficulties when they surface while trying to minimize our stress and frustrations, and maximize our happiness and good mood.

Setting your expectations too high increases your chances of getting swamped in disappointments most of the time. Having no expectations at all or setting them too low might take away the motivation you can have to aspire and accomplish your goals. Therefore, setting your expectations at a flexible level provides you with the right amount of balance that you need to express and validate your emotions, and unleash your happiness as well. The balance between the borders of too high expectations and too low or no expectations can promote your healthy lifestyle, which will be free of the obsession with perfectionism.


Time: Unleashing Joy in your Expecting (Future) moments

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Joy in your Expectations

How high, low, or flexible are your expectations for events and people in your life?

We all have expectations in our lives. Of course, it is good for us to know what we want out of life, what we want from people we interact with, what we want to do in this life, and the direction we want to take.  When all of these expectations are held at the appropriate and flexible level, they become uplifting and healthy for us, our happiness, and others around us. In determining the level of your expectations, look at the vertical line continuum with the three areas: Limiting expectations (too downhill), uplifting or appropriate expectations (flexible), and dangerously limiting expectations (too uphill). The question is: Where do you stand along the continuum?

Too downhill (limiting) expectations:  Having very low or no expectations at all can be limiting to a certain degree. Having expectations drive you to discover what you stand for, why you do what you do, and how you do them. Having very low or no expectations all the time can generally push you to a level that might cause you to waste around either physically, mentally or spiritually.

Too uphill (dangerously limiting) expectations: Being dangerously over expectant for too long can greatly limit your happiness, growth, learning, and grace for yourself and others. You can become too hard on yourself and others. Too much over expectations and imaginations of the future can become the source of frustrations and stress. There are times where being with high or low expectations can be inevitable, but it’s important to adjust appropriately as soon as possible before you start losing purpose, or becoming too complacent, or you start building up stress, frustrations, and disappointments. The higher the expectations you hold for yourself and others at some point, the further away you set yourself from others.

Uplifting (flexible) expectations: Setting your expectations at a flexible level sets you up for successful, happy and fruitful life. Your expectations become uplifting and manageable when they run slightly below the dangerously limiting and above the downhill limiting margins. This can provide you with the ability and flexibility to manage the expectations of people and circumstances. Flexible expectations are about having a grander vision or purpose or reason to hold on to regardless of your expected imaginations or outcomes. Your level of happiness and joy at the moment can fluctuate between how firm you hold onto your grander purpose and how well you can balance your expectations.  

Setting your expectations too high increases your chances of getting swamped in disappointments most of the time. Having no expectations at all or setting them too low might take away the motivation you can have to aspire and accomplish your goals. Therefore, setting your expectations at a flexible level provides you with the right amount of balance that you need to express and validate your emotions, and unleash your happiness as well. The balance between the borders of too high expectations and too low or no expectations can promote your healthy lifestyle, which will be free of the obsession with perfectionism.


Time: Unleashing Joy in your Experiencing (the Now) Moments.

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Joy in your “Now” Moments.

The Now moments are the active, and lively moments. You use the Now moments to talk about the past and future moments. Time should be seen as a progression from the REMEMBERING (past or gone) to the EXPERIENCING (Now, active or lively) to the EXPECTING (next, maybe or yet to come) moments.

Just being in the moment alone is not enough. It is about you wholly living mindfully and thoughtfully in that moment that can enable you to fully unleash your joy.

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 Let’s say you and your friends are having a great time together while gathered around the fireplace on a camping trip. However, your mind goes off and starts thinking about how one of your friends was badmouthing you in front of a group two years ago, and you are also thinking about the time you are going to spend to pack your camping stuff and drive home at the end of the camping trip. Technically, you are in the experiencing moments but your mind has traveled back in time to wander and ponder over something that is no longer active, and your mind has fast-forwarded itself to your expecting moments to start stressing about a task that is not yet active. You are therefore not unleashing joy in the “now” because your attention is not being fully paid to its joyous feelings. You are using the Now moments which are real and active to focus on the past and future moments, which are not real and active. you needed to focus on your friends, your time together, their laughter, the warmth of the fire, the gentle breeze, the birds singing in the woods and more.

If you are not actively paying attention to what is happening in the “Now” Moments, you can miss the experience of unleashing your happiness even if you are doing your favorite and coolest thing.This happens when you allow your mind to go off from the present to start wandering in the past and future moments. You can miss those active feelings of happiness in the experiencing moments when you focus more on dwelling in the past while grumbling, complaining, and regretting over past failures, disappointments and other forms of life circumstances. The same miss of an opportunity to unleash true joy in the moments can happen when you focus on overthinking or imagining the happenings in the future moments.


Leading Through Tough Times: A Leader’s 4 “Shows” To boost Team’s Confidence & Engagement.

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A Leader’s “4 Shows”: Building Team’s Spirit During Crisis.

Leading when things are normal, comfortable, and pleasing can bring out one side of a leader’s demeanor. The other side can be put to a test when tough times hit, things become abnormal, and leadership becomes even more timely, needed, and right. (Details in video below):

As you lead through a crisis, the stakes continue to become higher. The feelings and emotions of your teammates become tender. What do you show your team to keep their enthusiasm and confidence up?
What leaders show, how they show it, and why they show it significantly influences their team’s ability to function well during a crisis.

Here are 4 essential steps (Shows) to take to build up your confidence and uplift your team to stay engaged, motivated, and empowered. 

Show EMPATHY: Genuinely connect your heart and mind to the situation, and to the feelings, concerns, and desires of your team.

Show Your VISION for the team: Where are they headed?

Show the POINT of your vision: Why should they buy-into this? What are the goals?

Show the FEASIBILITY of the vision: How could this be achieved? What are the strategies?

Throughout the process, establish a 2-way feedback mechanism.

Leadership should be a joy and not a burden. It is not just about learning lessons but it’s about gaining and sharing blessings.


Time: Unleashing Joy in your Remembering (the Past) Moments.

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Joy in your Past Moments

Time is a useful factor that fluctuates our happiness as it swings between our external and internal focus. Cultivating more happiness within any frame of time has to be an intentional and mindful effort. Time should be seen as a progression from the REMEMBERING (past or gone) to the EXPERIENCING (Now, active or lively) to the EXPECTING (next, maybe or yet to come) moments.

You may have heard people tell others to forget about their past and just focus on what is now and what is coming next. This is not practically possible as humans because we have real feelings and thoughts, and our mind is one of the hardest functions to control. Your past moments were once both your “Now” and future moments. The goal is not to just blindly forget about your past and pretend that it never happened or you never experienced it. The goals are:

  • For you NOT to keep dwelling on your past moments and wallow yourself in regrets hopelessly and thoughtlessly.
  • For you to validate your feelings about the past and deal with those feelings in a way that they make you and not break you. You come out feeling stronger, and admirable, and not perceive yourself as a failure or a miserable person.
  • For you to realize that your past life’s events and circumstances- whether good, bad, or indifferent can set a course for what can motivate or direct you, and they can also be of hindrance to your growth and progress by holding you back if you let them.
  • For you NOT to continue carrying and struggling with excess emotional baggage that only keeps weighing you down, holding you back as well as bothering and affecting your happiness, life purpose, and progress in general.

The strengths and Limitations of it: Understand the strengths and limitations of your past moments and the hopes and realities from your expecting moments. This can help you take full ownership and responsibility to maximize your happiness in the now. Do not allow the regrets, failures, and experiences of your remembering (past) moments to ruin the joy and the hopes in your experiencing (Now) and expecting (Later) moments respectively.

The good/lesson in it: Think about the good you can find in your past moments and maximize it. Think and live that good memory from your past. Focus on the good mood or experiences that you had before the misfortune or the negative side came in.  When you reach the negative side, acknowledge that it did happen, and accept that the deal has been done. It doesn’t mean you are accepting and agreeing with the bad behaviors or the situation. Then, slowly move your mind from the negative and focus on the lessons from it, and the blessings in the moments, and the hopes in the future. Think about what can be learned from your past. Were they of blessings or lessons? Think about What you can do differently now based on your past.

The Happy Scenes/Memories: As we remember our past, it can be challenging not to lose our joy in the moments especially if we are recalling tragic or traumatic events or loss. There is no better way we can prepare for the loss of our loved ones. And, whenever this happens, we get those feelings of brokenness and sadness, and these are valid reactions. As we express our frustrations and valid feelings, we can also remember the happy times we had together with that person, and we can focus on those happy memories to build our strengths for the “now moments” and the future moments.


Be Strong & Courageous! No Quitting!

6 useful choices

What choice are we making during life circumstances? Remember that holding on or giving up, winning or losing in life has a lot to do with the alignment of our attitude and mindset with our DESIRES (what we want), BELIEFS (we can), MOTIVATION (we want to), and ACTIONS (doing). Here are six useful choices:

Choose to stay encouraged, motivated, and empowered to resiliently COME OUT STRONGER as you embrace uplifting and empowering thoughts.

Choose to OVERCOME those “Automatic Negative Thoughts” that would fight to occupy your mind with the spirit of self-doubt, fear, and quitting. Life is beautiful and fragile, and you can fit in between that beauty and fragility because there is always a way to make life beautiful.

Choose to cultivate resilience attitude as you expand your connections, strengthen your optimism, cultivate the ability to regulate your emotions, and cultivate the ability to see failure as helpful feedback.

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Choose NOT to give up easily as you look for the good in every situation. Hold on to your faith, hope, determination, and optimism.

Choose forgiveness and freedom. Cultivate the courage to forgive yourself, and forgive others. Do your best and leave the rest to God.

Choose to use your blessings to bless others. Make every moment counts, and enjoy the journey of life. Minimize complaining and make changes that you can make. Don’t forget to build significance in the lives of others along your journey.


You Are Not Done!

Nurture your Multipliers, Overcome your Diminishers & Self-Examine for a Change.

In our day to day interactions, people and situations can either multiply or diminish us by limiting or empowering our abilities, energy, efforts, and strengths. Check out the video below for more information on this.

Instead of quitting, and thinking that you are done, reconsider the following three fundamental aspects:

  1. Recognize your “Multipliers” and then increase and nurture them.
  2. Recognize your “Diminishers” and then reduce and overcome them.
  3. Reexamine the three core elements for self-examination for a change: Belief system, Desire/motivation, Action.

Stay strong and courageous!

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Don’t Give Up, Don’t Lose Heart: Be Encouraged!

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Cultivating Positive Attitude in Hard times

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”2 Corinthians 4:16

During tough life circumstances, the tendency to quit and give up in our faith and hope becomes higher. Uncertainty can be scary. We prefer to be able to predict situations and be familiar with them. However, this is not always practical. This is where hope and courage become even more essential. The way we mentally, emotionally, and physically respond during hard times plays a key role in building up our strengths, courage, and optimism. Focus on guarding your attitude and heart:

Rephrase: What is the nature of your expected outcome from the situation? Is limiting or uplifting? Rephrase your uplifting expected outcome into a goal statement or positive expectation statement that can keep your spirit motivated and inspired. Hold on to that even when it may seem not feasible for the time being. “I’m thinking about how I can celebrate with friends and family when this is all over.”

Reaffirm: Repeat that positive goal statement or exciting expectation statement frequently. This affirmation process will reinforce your belief, motivation, and courage. Through this repetition, you can also create a new perspective on the situation. “I know this will all pass because no condition is permanent, and I can celebrate with friends and family.”

Reframe: As you focus on the positive outcome of the situation and using an affirmation to reinforce your belief and motivation, you can also learn to reframe the situation differently. Reframe from allowing the dark side of the situation to occupy your mind. As you start creating a new road map, your desired results will start becoming visible.

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Also, when crisis hits, cultivate an uplifting heart, and don’t forget to be:

Hopeful & Courageous

Empathetic & Considerate

Aware of God’s Love

Realistically Optimistic



Useful Reminders During Crisis

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Useful Reminders For Overcoming Crisis

Our schedules have changed. Activities seem abnormal, and life seems to be going at a slower pace. In every life circumstance, what happens to us can be a source of an experience that needs to be defined but what we choose to do with that experience makes the difference. Here are five reminders to note when we go through any crisis or breakdown:

Readjust your ANTs (Automatic Negative Thinking/Thoughts): Identify and readjust those counterproductive thoughts that come running your mind when you are experiencing difficult life circumstances. Some of the ANTs come up in the form of “Ifs”- What if this never ends? What if I end up this way? What if my life will never be normal again? Rethink and readjust your thoughts as you try to also look for those uplifting thoughts- like “I’m thinking about how I will celebrate with friends and family when all this is over.”, “I’m glad that medical professionals are working on getting a vaccine for this.” “I look forward to resuming my normal life. How exciting that will look!”

Rethink the culture of “Less Vs More“:  In most crises or hard times, you get limited or narrowed down to only a few options, resources and freedom. You will be exposed to “Less” than what you have been used to. In our society, we are all familiar with the fast-paced mentality, keeping Up With the Joneses, desiring immediate results, wanting more because we hold the notion that the more the better even though this is not always the case. Could this be an opportunity for you to break through this limitation to see how much “More” you can do with “Less.”?  Sometimes, we do discover our hidden strengths, abilities, and creativity as we work under constrained conditions with limited options. 

Re-examine your interpretation of the  Realities: when situations happen to us, we are responsible for (a) how we choose to perceive it (b) how we choose to interpret it (c) how we choose to tell it (d) how we choose to relabel ourselves. There is always a crucial difference between what has happened to us, and the stories or interpretations we develop around what has happened to us:

Miserable exaggeration– this involves the accumulation of the thoughts, fear, and emotions that will push you to a complete state of hopelessness. “I will never survive this crisis.” “My whole life is ruined, and I will never get my life back together.” “This crisis will never end.”

Unrealistic optimism: this is where you over cultivate positivism to a point that you blindly forget to notice the realities. You constantly deny or minimize the truth about the situation, your feelings, and emotions. In this case, instead of becoming an experienced optimist, you end up over-exaggerating the hopefulness until it becomes unrealistic. “This is not an issue at all.” “Ah, everything is okay and normal.” “With or without any action or precaution this will be over very soon.” Be realistic in your interpretations.

Recognize and validate your emotions: Validate your emotions and feelings with thoughtfulness. You are an actual human being with flesh, blood, and complex emotions and feelings. So, show them and don’t accumulate them until they can harmfully burst out for themselves. Suppressing our emotions is an unhealthy way of managing a crisis as this will continue to build up more stress, and harmful emotions into chronic stress, and emotional breakdown. This further diminishes us not only emotionally but physically, mentally, psychologically, and spiritually.

Reconnect and show love: Reconnect with others: Even during tribulations, our outward appearance might look changed but our inner selves remain constant. You are still a kind and compassionate person. Don’t lose that value.  Do what you can to still show love, compassion, and empathy for yourself and others. You can pray for others, pick up the phone to call and check on friends and families, and pray with them, be that light in the dark for others, be that rainbow in someone’s cloud, help mow the lawn for a neighbor who might not just be in a suitable position to do that.


Courage For Your BEST SELF During Hard Times

During hard life circumstances, we are pressed to let go off our strengths. However, let’s remember that we are so much stronger than we can imagine. We are God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10)! Everything ends. Whether it’s good or bad, it doesn’t last forever. During hard times, our minds tend to expand the situation as they occur, and this might seem that the negative situation will last much longer. Things will change for the better! Hold on tight to your faith, hope, and courage to show life circumstances that they can MAKE you but not BREAK you. We can be knocked down but we will not be knocked out! Buckle up, and let’s B.E.S.T our best!

Realizing the reality and severity of the situation is one. And, realizing the overcoming power that exists within you, your innate abilities, and resilience is critical. Yes, we can be hard-pressed on all sides, but with God, on our side, we are not crushed. We can be perplexed but not hopeless, we can be pushed through hurdles, but not destroyed. We still have greatness in us because we are not done and gone! (John 4:4). We can start replacing those limiting thoughts and beliefs with uplifting and empowering ones. It’s about THINKING it (our thoughts), FEELING it (our experiences), SAYING it (our words) and DOING it (our actions).

Uncertainty can be scary. Fears are common. The goal is for us not to allow our fear, doubts, and life circumstances to drown us. Choose to exercise control over fear. Fears can develop in our thoughts. But we have the power to control our thoughts. Develop a hope that is based on the firm ground of faith and conviction and not just on the fluctuation of feelings and certain situations. There is always that reason to stay hopeful. Hope grants us the strengths we need to approach life circumstances with courage, determination, and a different outlook. It gives us faith and strength to transcend failures and move on to success.

Be strong and be courageous. Your God will not leave you or forsake you, especially in crisis period. Courage doesn’t mean there is no fear, it means you can resiliently master that fear. When we lose hope and faith and get swamped in discouragement, we will start thinking that our situations will not get better. Remember that God hears our cries of pain. He is your steady foundation even when everything else may fall apart. He has good plans for us: to proposer us, and to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). He is very good at turning something so bad into something so good. Let’s hang on to His love!

Life circumstances exist, and we do not have control over many of them. Our emotions fluctuate within those life circumstances and they are hard to manage. But, our choices, our thoughts, and responses during those life situations are within our control. Our reactions greatly impact us physically, psychologically, and emotionally as they influence our beliefs, choices, perceptions, and feelings about situations. Do what you can and trust your God to take care of the rest. Cultivate and nurture your confidence, keep developing your capabilities, strengthen your positive characters, and grow your commitment to unleash your hope, faith, and courage for transformation. Whatever your faith may be, and wherever its origin may be, don’t forget to lean on your own higher power. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God”- (Philippians 4:6)

Stay strong! Don’t Quit! Once there is a way into a situation, there will always be a way out of it. No condition is permanent! “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds…”(Philippians 4:7).


Overcoming Patterns and Conditioning limiting your happiness

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Rewiring for joy

Have you ever experienced a situation where somebody is talking about something and you suddenly feel like an emotional resistance? What about in a conversation where somebody becomes suddenly defensive, withdrawn or curiously engaged? This can simply due to a condition or a word or phrase that served as a trigger. Triggers can be uplifting or limiting, and they have a huge impact on how we react to things in our lives, and how we internalize those things. Conditioning is a response that our minds have been conformed to and the responses are normally displayed in our body language, motions to certain actions, and emotions. Patterns and conditioning could be learned, cultivated, or experienced either consciously or unconsciously, and they can be negative or positive for our happiness. 

Conditioning or rewiring ourselves for happiness

Recondition your mind from negative triggers to happy thoughts: Take the time to swing into that hedonistic form of happiness. Think of a time when you were really happy, and identify those things that you love and might bring you back into the moment of joy when you experience negative triggers. It’s about bringing negative conditioning to a different pattern of positive conditioning by quickly thinking of that happy place, favorite person, or things to do.

Reexamine your view of situations: It’s has a lot to do with your mindset. How do you perceive a situation? Looking at a situation from a different perspective can help bring a different meaning to it. The way you perceive a situation or experience determines how you interpret it. For example, two people on a walk on a path through the woods could have a different interpretation of their experiences based on their mindsets. One person might say, “Oh wow! Look at that beautiful bird on that branch. Wow! Look at that small stream flowing through the woods.” The other person would say, “Hmm! Look at these potholes on the path. Look at that trash somebody dropped there.” Whatever you focus on is what you see, and your brain will be eventually conditioned. 

Replace limiting expressions with uplifting conditioning responses:

Limiting “BUT” with uplifting “AND” – Limiting conditioning: John your report is fine but, there are too many errors in the opening paragraph. “We had a fun time tonight, but it was too short. Uplifting “AND” conditioning: “John, this is a good report, “and” it can become even excellent when you revise the introductory paragraph.” We had a fun time tonight, “and” we can definitely stay longer next time.”

Limiting “Have to” with uplifting “Get to.”– Limiting: “I have to go to work, I have to take care of this baby, I have to cook again.” This might show that you are kind of forced to do these things, and you might look at it as negative. Uplifting conditioning: “I get to go to work, I get to take care of my baby, I get to cook tonight.” This shows that you are blessed to have these things and are able to do them, and you can find joy in them. 

Limiting “How and why?” questions with uplifting “wow, and interesting” expressions: When you tell an idea to somebody and without even thinking about it and they go into rapid “how and why” phase – “How are you doing that? How is this happening? How is that? why so? Why me? Why that? How is that possible? This can suck out the creative juices in someone, and drain their joy from that moment. Replace how? with wow! Too much of how can limit ideas and shut down a person’s joy. So, wow those ideas and joy to life and don’t kill them with how. For example, “You are going to come out of this huge debt, John.” Limiting: “How is that? Why do you say that? How can that be?” Uplifting: “Wow! Interesting idea! Let me hear more about your plan to go about this.” 


You are God’s Masterpiece!

You are Amazing and Beautiful just the way you are.

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You are Amazing and Beautiful just the way you are: God’s Masterpiece!

Ephesians 2:10 “For you are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

We have been expertly and resourcefully created, and transformed into new beings by God for good work, and productive living. As His masterpiece, we can reflect the purpose of our existence as our thoughts, actions, and words come in alignment. We can align our WILL with His WILL for our purpose through our behaviors, attitude, and relationships.

We all are beautiful and amazing just the way we are. Our true beauty doesn’t just lie in our looks and outside appearance. It is embedded in our true identity and authenticity, and this is manifested in our simplicity, fruitful living, and how we show up and treat others. Show up and treat others nicely and thoughtfully not necessarily because of who they are but because of who you are – You are an amazing person. The contagious nature of your kindness will shine a light into the hearts of others, and this might be a source of their transformation. 

We all were designed as good people with good identities, autonomy and WILL. On this journey of life, some individuals may have overstretched their WILLPOWER and autonomy and this has caused the misplacement of their true identities, and deviation from their true purpose. There might not be bad people in general, but there are misplaced people with misplaced identities and misplaced purpose.

Regardless of how weak or strong, poor or rich we are, we can benefit from God’s abundant Grace. Even though we all may be broken in one way or the other, there is always a chance for our broken pieces to be knitted back together for us to be functional, and for God’s name to be glorified. Remember, even broken crayons still color. We are all in need of God’s Mercy to be set free and be forgiven. Each day provides a new opportunity for us to learn and grow from our mistakes, setbacks, regrets and failures. Keep on pushing, and sometimes you just can’t tell how close you are to your goals.


Layers of limitations to happiness: Layer 6: Limiting Identity and Self-image

Identity: Limiting or Uplifting?

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Joy Limiting Identity? – Renew . Regenerate . Replace

What identity do you hold? Deep down at our unconscious levels, some of our roles, expectations, phrases we use are defined based on what we experienced in our childhood or background, or what we saw in people around us while growing up, what we see every day in the media, and in our environment.

Understanding your identity is very crucial to your happiness because a major part of true happiness has to do with your true self and integrity. Living in integrity with your authentic self requires you to identify the roles and identities that have been consciously and unconsciously created in you, and then decide to replace the limiting ones with uplifting ones. According to a psychology professor and researcher, Sonja Lyubomirsky explains that we own a big portion of our happiness. That is, 10% is based on our life circumstances, and we may not have control over them. 90% is based on our attitude, our reaction, and how we perceive the realities of situations around us. How we see, tell, interpret, and move on with what happens to us contributes to the formation of certain identities and roles within us.

So, how do we identify and replace some limiting egos and roles with uplifting ones? (Renew . Regenerate . Replace.)

Renew your perception about problems: How do you see problems and challenges in your life? How often do you talk about a specific problem in your life without taking steps to change it? It makes sense to identify, and talk about a problem and determine to fix it if we can. But constantly elaborating on it over and over again can eventually become part of your identity. We can look for opportunities to connect to people on a deeper level of happiness and growth, and not only out of pain or problems in our lives.

Regenerate uplifting identities: What identity can you create for yourself for happiness, growth and success? Uplifting identities can help you grow, and can strengthen your strengths: Examples: “I am a grateful person,” “I am a person that seeks happiness,” “I am a person that lives a life of purpose,” “I am a person that loves contributing to society.” regenerate uplifting forms of identifications for yourself.

Replace diminishing Identity: Do you translate your feelings of sadness into your identity and ownership? Do situations define who you are, or you get to define them? To have a feeling or experience doesn’t mean to own or become it. You can be overcoming your present state (feelings/experiences) of unhappiness and failures. But you can unconsciously transform those feelings and experiences into your identity when you own and be them. You are experiencing “frustration, unhappiness, sadness, brokenness” but they are not who you are. You may be lacking some financial resources at this time but you are not broke. You don’t “have to” go to work but you “get to” go to work. It sounds uplifting that you are blessed to have a job, and that you have the physical ability to drive to work, contribute, and even get paid. It all depends on how you constantly affirm these words and expressions to yourself.


Maximizing Joy through the beauty and complexity of Life: Its Hardness. Its Awesomeness

The beauty and complexity of Life: Its Hardness. Its Awesomeness

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Maximizing Joy through the beauty and complexity of Life: Its Hardness. Its Awesomeness

It is true! We all have this belief that life is hard, really hard. Do we all also hold the belief that life is awesome? It’s about doing a quick check on how often we talk about life’s hardness, and how often we talk about its goodness. Life comes with challenges and opportunities – that’s the fact. But how do we start becoming more of “multipliers” of life’s numerous blessings and less of “diminishers” of its goodness? This happens when we intentionally start noticing life’s goodness, and opportunities around us every day. This happens when we voluntarily choose to talk passionately, and excitedly about the blessings and opportunities life offers just the way we choose to intensely and consistently talk about the pains and challenges we experience in life. This happens when we become quick to notice and talk about the blessings in life just as the way we quickly notice pains we go through.

Pain teaches us something, and we feel it immediately so we tend to notice it. As a result, it becomes easy for us to express that “life sucks! Life is hard! Life is painful! Life is tough!” We experience pain, hardship, and obstacle in life, and we put them on the tangibility spectrum of life. We tend to put the blessings, and opportunities we get from life on the intangibility spectrum. We can maximize our joy and happiness when we intentionally cultivate the mindset to frequently recognize and feel the intangibility of the blessings and opportunities around us.  We don’t have to wait until we experience drought before we can notice life’s goodness in the form of the clean water some of us get so easily. The circumstances of life can be tough but you are tougher. They can be challenging but you are the change maker. They can bring pains but you can earn gains with the right mindset and attitude. If we do not need to be that smart to figure out or notice the pain, and challenges around, we do not need to be that smart to also notice the blessings, and opportunities all around us.

Life’s beauty lies in its challenges mixed with its greatness, awesomeness, and goodness. Consistently focusing on life’s hardness makes it harder for us to even recognize the everyday blessings we get. Most times, when we get something simple, we tend not to notice it because we didn’t go through a hard life to get it. We normally only think to add value to something that we work very hard for or go through a struggle. We can learn to recognize the everyday blessings – the everyday life, when you get to wake up, the water you have to drink, your senses to see, smell, touch, and feel, you have friends, family, and more. Notice those small things.

Noticing the complexity of life: Its hardness and awesomeness can maximize your daily joy and happiness. This happens when we start reducing how often we complain about life in general and start increasing how often we express gratitude. Research shows that the average person complains 30 times a day, and this weakens our joy and strengths. On the other hand, gratitude maximizes our happiness. It’s is about cultivating the mindset that will intentionally notice and talk about things we are grateful for rather than spending more energy and time complaining about those we are unhappy with. It’s about steering our minds in a positive direction for us to unleash greater happiness and success.


Layers of limitations to happiness: Layer 5: Not Harmonizing Joy with your TWO-SELVES

Your Experiencing-Self Versus Your Remembering-Self

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Harmonizing Joy with your TWO-SELVES

Time: Your Experiencing-self Versus Your Remembering-self

Question: You are anticipating to go on an amazing vacation. Do you imagine it in the form of feeling the experience itself or in the form of the memory you are going to get from it? 

Our Experiencing Self and the remembering self both unleash joy differently in terms of their relationship with time.

Experiencing-Self tends to unleash and experience joy in the Now. For example, having a relaxing time at the beach while watching a beautiful sunset. You feel joyful at this moment before the sunset disappears. Remembering-Self unleashes the joy in the later once we think back about what’s happening in the NOW. For example, later on, remembering your relaxing time at the beach while watching that beautiful sunset. You can feel the joy again.

Your experiencing-self only focuses on what is happening at the moment. If you are feeling joyful, it focuses on that joy. If you are feeling pain, it focuses on that pain and nothing else. You are at a party for five hours enjoying, dancing, and chatting with friends, and having a great time at the moment. All of a sudden something goes wrong with the musical set, and you go “Oh great, everything is now ruined! The night is ruined!” At this moment, everything is now ruined for you because your experiencing-self is now feeling this unfortunate situation and you automatically forget all the fun you have had for the past five hours. Your experiencing-self tends to attach what is happening at the moment to everything else. 

On the other hand, your Remembering-self is a storyteller, interpreter, and decision-maker. This section is very critical to our joy. It decides how we are going to tell or interpret what has happened in our Experiencing-self or our past – either as a burden or a gift. Either as a blessing, lesson, or curse. This is about our perception of your story. How you decide to present it to others, and the mood in which you decide to narrate and perceive it – angry, sad or joyful. 

4 Reminders worth considering to unleash true joy in Time as you overcome this layer:

  • Remember to cultivate the habit to harmonize your joy with your two selves. Try not to be quick to generalize one unfortunate situation that happens when you are in your experiencing-self state of unleashing joy. Look for the good, and joy that you have already experienced before the unfortunate situation steps in. 
  • Remember to recognize that you are the architect, author, teller, and interpreter of your own story, and remembering-self. More Recognition of the good. More gratefulness. Less generalization of an unfortunate situation. Less complaining.  
  • Remember to allow your Remembering Self to overcome your Experiencing Self during bad situations. If you can’t easily find something appealing to your Remembering Self, then: look at the lessons learned, your change in perspective, your determination for next time as remembering self.
  • Remember that the Now Moment has an opportunity for both our experiencing self and remembering self. Your experiencing self can enjoy the moment now, and your remembering-self can always go back to that now moment and relives it. Remember those good old days, and bring those old fun memories to slowly take over the unfortunate now situations. Pick out the beauty in it and convert it into joyful remembering self-moments for you.

Layers of limitations to happiness: Clichés as limiting Beliefs- #2

Cliché # 2: No Pain, No Gain

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Beware of clichés that could easily transform into limiting beliefs.

This phrase, “Without pains, no gains” can be dated back in the 1500s. Some of the earliest people who coined this phrase were lining it up with resilience, and becoming psychologically stronger as we go through pain, and how we can learn from setbacks. It is often associated with athletic and gym coaches who urge their trainees to work harder to get stronger, faster, and to develop prominent body features (like big muscles or developed abs). This talks about how most success comes with struggle, and it gives a sense that in this world there would be a mixture of pain and joy.

 The limiting belief with this phrase comes in when we try to apply it to every accomplishment in our lives, even those that we think are little. This is what happens most of the time. We will get something to be joyful about, we will allow that joy to pass by because we didn’t have to go through pain to get that or because we think it was simple to get. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” He knows the future, and his plans for us are good and full of hope. This doesn’t mean that we will not have pain or hardship, but that He will see us through to a glorious conclusion. 

You deserve to enjoy victories and blessings even if they come by easy without any pain at all. You don’t have to have your body beaten up, face red or all sweaty before you can accept that you have achieved something.

We do this most of the time, and we don’t even notice it. We apply it to even when people try to give us a compliment for what we have done or accomplished. For example, I will try to positively commend a friend for baking a basic vanilla cake that tasted so good, and they will casually, say “Haa, that was so easy. I just put in the flour, added some water and put it in the oven, and Voila, the cake was done.” Then I will normally reply with some questions, “Wow, how long did it take in the oven? How much sugar and water did you add? What about the frosting on top?” 

Then they will go, “Oh, yes, it took like 1 hour in the oven, 2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature, 3 cups all-purpose flour, 1 tablespoon baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 1/4 cups sugar, 4 large eggs, at room temperature, 1 tablespoon vanilla extract, 3/4 cup heavy cream mixed with 1/2 cup water.” Then I will say, wow! That was a lot of work on it. Please just accept the compliment. You measured each of those ingredients, and that took time, patience and perseverance. Accept the compliment, and don’t ignore it because you do not physically have bruises and scars on your body as a result of baking the cake. Accept the joy from your accomplishment, and don’t snob it because of the “No pain, No gain” notion.

You don’t always have to get pain before you can recognize your accomplishments. Don’t limit the joy you can get from being acknowledged even in the small things. It gladdens the heart of your creator that you have nicely used the skills, potential, and knowledge He gave you to the point that someone has noticed it.

It’s not about pride or lack of humility. It’s about acknowledging your God’s given gifts. It is simple to say, “Thank you for noticing.” It is a skill you have, and you are putting it to a use that will bless yourself and others. It becomes the lack of humility when you allow it to go into your head and start boasting about it and perceiving yourself as the only capable person. But it doesn’t hurt to say thank you when someone notices your work. Don’t try to pull down yourself. Remember, we are to have a high opinion of others and a high opinion of ourselves. Romans 15:2 says, “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”

In as much as many things don’t come by so easily, there are also those many things and blessings that do not come by hard or through pain and suffering at all. Those many blessings that we get every day that we don’t struggle for, we don’t ask for or even expect them. We are to recognize those blessings, and we are to be grateful for them even though we do not have to go through pain to get them.

When we don’t allow ourselves to be limited by the “No pain, No Gain” notion, (a) we will unleash joy in both small and big things, (b) we will frequently unleash joy in the moments, (c) we will rapidly cultivate the attitude to recognize all blessings around us every day, (d) we will become more grateful and accept compliment from people, and this will unleash the joy within you and them, (e) we can also expand the joy of others as they notice our work, and this can further increase our inner joy, and (f) we will notice our strengths and build upon them, and we will be encouraged to see the progress we are making even if it’s small. It shows that: You have the belief and skill that you CAN do something. You have the motivation and desire to WANT to do it. And, you are sufficiently courageous to spring into action to DO it. You are awesome!

So, don’t limit your joy. Celebrate little victories that you get even when they don’t come with pain. You deserve them, and accept compliments from others, and be grateful for them. You, your gifts, possession are all God’s gifts and blessings to you. What you decide to do with them, how you choose to use them- for your benefit, for the benefit of others, and for God’s glory – will be your gifts back to God.


Layers of limitations to happiness: Clichés as limiting Beliefs- #1

Cliché #1: Money is the root of all evil. Money doesn’t grow on trees.

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Limiting belief/ Cliché # 1: Clichés about Money:

Money is the root of all evil. Money doesn’t grow on trees.

These are two of the many clichés that we hold, and some of us started hearing them since when we were children. We express them in conversations, and we affirm these to ourselves over time. While some clichés have a good meaning and were used intentionally to describe one’s situation, some of them have been misquoted over time and individuals have gained different interpretations of them. 

These obscure interpretations have gained the tendency to serve as limiting beliefs. AND, limiting beliefs interfere with our attitude, emotions, and behaviors as they limit us from unleashing our true joy, potential, and happiness due to fear, doubt, and cynicism.

The phrase, “Money is the root of all evil” is a popular phrase or cliché people use most of the time. I started hearing this phrase when I was a child, and I have always wondered how it truly translates.

The phrase, “The LOVE of Money can become the root of all evil”, originates from the Bible: Timothy 6:10, says “For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” It is often misquoted as just “Money is the root of all evil.” It is not money that is evil. Money itself is not bad. It is a blessing God gives us to bless others. How we use it will be our gift back to God. 

A sample conversation involving two sons, and their mom:

First son: Mom, I would like to become a Medical Doctor in the future. It’s fulfilling and it pays more money

Mom: No, No! Remember that money is the root of all evil. You becoming a doctor will give you more money and you will start doing bad things.

Second Son: Hmm! Mom, that’s a good point. I don’t want to be a bad person. I can do some other job that doesn’t pay that much so that I will not accumulate wealth and get corrupt.

Eventually, the first son grew up and became a Medical doctor, and specialized as a General Surgeon. With his high paying job, he established other institutions to train medical professionals. He partnered with the government to make health care services available, accessible and affordable to his country including the population living in the villages. The second son ended up as a petty trader, and his income was very seasonal, and not sufficient to take care of himself and his family. He was hiding this for a long time while silently suffering from the inside. In search of additional funds, he was dragged into a temptation to join a gang of friends to break into homes to steal stuff for money. He did this for quite a while before he was caught. This eventually came to light, and the first son intervened.

So, misunderstanding the origin of the phrase and focusing on its misquoted version, “Money is the root of evil” can be planting a limiting belief in the minds of individuals: (a) We do not want to have more money because we don’t want to become evil, (b) we associate money with evil, (c) we can use this to become critical of people, as we will be tempted to start judging those that have a lot of money as we assume that they must be bad, (d) even to become generous to certain extent, we become scared that we will be judged by others. When people do bad things and we notice that they have money, we can try to relate their bad choices to their wealth. Rich people do bad things, and bad things can also be done by non-rich people. Our attitude always plays a vital role in every given circumstance.

We know that money can buy so many things but true happiness and joy are not among those things. However, in our culture today, the complete lack of money can also buy misery. Most times, the approach we use in every situation in life can impact the outcomes. Money itself is not evil. It’s about allowing money or other material possessions to take over you in such a way that you deviate from its goodness and start doing things out of the way, abusing the resources, misusing the blessings, and abusing others. What becomes stressful, and creates all sorts of anxieties, and negative thoughts and eventually leads you to the wrong path through temptations is that too much love for money that will cause you to prioritize money seeking behaviors over everything else that truly matters for your purpose on earth. 1 Corinthians 6:12 says, “Everything is permissible for me,- but I will not be mastered by anything.” This encourages us to be determined not to allow things to have control over us in any way. Even those things and possessions that we have so much of.

The phrase describes “the love of money”, and not just money. Wealth, possession, and success can be as good or bad as how we get them, and how we use them. The verse describes the obsession with money that will translate into greed, abuse, and thoughtlessness to form the basis of many kinds of sin, and evil. It’s good to note that not all evil or bad havoc are resulting from money and material possession. Rather, it is the too much love of that wealth and money that can serve as temptation for individuals to drift away from their faith and plunge themselves into stress, sorrows, and evil doings. Psalms 62:10 says, “Don’t make your living by extortion or put your hope in stealing. And if your wealth increases, don’t make it the center of your life.”

The same goes for the phrase, “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” This is meant to let us know that we are to spend money cautiously and that there is scarcity and we should not waste it. 

However, some people get limited by this so much that they become so heavily cautious and sometimes not even do something nice for themselves that might bring them joy within the moments (Hedonistic happiness). 

While in college, a friend of mine was so fixed on this notion that he limited his joy in such a way that he became very unhappy, complaining, and grumbling most of the time. His parents would give him some money for lunch but he would always give himself a very hard time to use the money due to his justification that he was been cautious of the phrase his dad has always told him “money doesn’t grow on trees.” He was almost always afraid to even give himself a little treat for all his hard work. Each time he wanted to buy something nice for himself or eat good food, he would grumble, whine, and become so worried about not finishing his money.

You deserve to use God’s blessings to treat yourself better and treat others as well. So, don’t limit your joy. If you have money, enjoy that money, and use it wisely to bless others and yourself. We believe that all good things come from God! We are mere stewards of his resources. You, your gifts, possession are all God’s gifts and blessings to you. What you decide to do with them, how you choose to use them- for your benefit, for the benefit of others, and for God’s glory – will be your gifts back to God.


Dilemma: “Not Losing Joy while Paying Attention to Negative Emotions Around You.”

Dilemma: Joy Vs Negative Emotions

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Dilemma: Joy Vs Negative Emotions

Easy to stay happy, and not be consumed by others’ negative thoughts and emotions?

Do you ever get afraid or hesitant to openly acknowledge your joy? Think about moments when you were around others, and you wanted to express the joy and blessings in your life but you decided to hold in. Think about those moments with your friends, family, and co-workers when you wanted to talk about the positive things and excitements going on in your life but you just could not let it out due to what’s happening in the lives of others around you. Why? (1). We don’t want people to think that we are bragging or that we do no validate their emotional states. (2). We don’t want to be seen as the “Happy-Go-Lucky People” especially when others are busy talking about life challenges, or talking about negative things happening in society, or focusing on expressing the problems in their lives. 

What about not having any negative thoughts in mind, but just stay happy? No! It’s hard to remain positive, and joyful when we have constant fighting going on in our brains about our emotions, and reactions. In the brain of every individual, their lives a problem scanning part called the Amygdala, and it constantly searches our world for worries. Every time the amygdala finds or assumes a problem, it radiates adrenaline and stress hormones in our bodies, and this can send us into a fight-or-flight zone. It’s inevitable to have negative thoughts. With the amygdala being one of the oldest parts of our brains, it perceives our emotions and keeps memories of those emotions and other events so that we can recognize them in the future. This is why when we go through bitter experience, we can always remember it or relive it when we hear people talking about something similar or see a situation similar to what we may have experienced a long time ago.

Contrary to the amygdala, we also have a prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for producing rational thoughts, and making a good judgment, planning, solving complex problems, and it boosts our personality development. This part of the brain provides soothing moments as we think before we react to our evolving emotions. At most times, as our amygdala splashes emotions of anger, sadness, and fear, our prefrontal cortex gently fights to calm us down so that we can make a rational choice, and take proactive steps.

The fight between the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex simply translates the fight between our emotions and attitude. This fight validates that we do not have control over our emotions because we are humans… But it shows us that we can control our attitude, and our reactions to our emotions. The largest portion of our happiness comes from our reaction and attitude. In “The How of Happiness”, new research by University of California psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky shows that only 10% of our happiness is based on our life circumstances, and 90% is based on how we react to what happens to us, and how we see the world around us. Understanding the reasons behind our anger and frustrations does help us to understand the nature of their impact on us.

Both the amygdala and prefrontal cortex are important parts of our brains, and research shows they both have an influence on each other. The effects of the fight or flight response on our brains will become stronger and last longer when we don’t know the cause of our anger and worries. On the other hand, if you are able to understand the reason for your anger and frustration, the prefrontal cortex will communicate with your emotional amygdala to cool you down. We will encounter negative thoughts and emotions, and negative things will happen around us. With our society, negative happenings seem to spread and stay in our brains faster than positive news. When everyone is complaining about life, and how it sucks, if you come in and start talking about the beauty of life due to joy you are experiencing, you will be perceived as bragging or inconsiderate. 

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Even though the state of happiness is contagious, it’s hard to take in courage when you think life is in shambles, and things are not going well. When we feel darkness, we need someone to show us that there is a way and that things will get better. Your presence, joyful and hopeful state can serve as an inspiration to others. Buddha says, “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of that candle will not be shortened. Happiness is never reduced by being shared.” So, think about that whenever you are in a situation that you feel like holding back your joy due to fear. Think about the impact you can make, and the light you can shine on others to come out of the grip of negativity.

So, with negative emotions all around us, what small steps do we take so that we don’t lose our joy, and how do we help others heal through theirs as well?

Validating emotions: validate the war going on in the mind of every individual, and realize that others may still be struggling to overcome the flood of emotions within. This is about taking calculated and integrated steps to acknowledge and accept others’ emotions. It’s about you genuinely acknowledging the situation of the people around you without you getting mastered by the negative situations that everyone may be experiencing. This is more about normalizing the negative experiences and emotions of others and less of being inconsiderate of their feelings. Do not stuff your anger and frustration and pretend they don’t exist.  When we find ourselves surrounded by others in emotional and negative situations, the lesser we devalue, deny, or disregard our emotions and those of others the better we can help ourselves and others to become more fulfilling, hopeful, and quicker restoration of our joy.